Lindsay Pereira: Sticking to delusional promises

Beautification projects are usually begun right before elections Representation picThree months ago a corporator supposedly in charge of the neighbourhood I live in decided to beautify the place Nobody knows why One can only assume beautification was the plan on paper because as anyone with eyes and a fullyfunctioning brain will point out at the drop of a hat what our city corporators think of as beautiful is dramatically different from what most of us perceive it to be For example take a look at any of the monstrosities constructed using the taxpayer money at any corner of our once beautiful citySo anyway this particular gentleman mdash itrsquos always men because as we all know even if women run for elections in Maharashtra itrsquos their husbands whose faces appear on the hoardings mdash decided that what my area urgently needed were road dividers embellished with large flowerpots This move was presumably to coerce people jumping across dividers to stop and smell the roses or give drivers caught in traffic snarls something to look at other than their fellow Indians spitting on both sides of the streetAnd that is how the dividers with flowerpots were discovered by my neighbours and I one morning They were all painted the colour of vomit and each held a different flower plantWould these plants survive Mumbairsquos climate Will they be watered regularly Were they hardy indigenous species Naturally answers to these questions could be given only by people who have been to school and as I pointed out in the beginning this particular plan was conceived because a corporator ldquothought it uprdquo In other words there are no answers to be foundLess than a week after the dividers masquerading as fancy flowerpots appeashyred three were found bent at awkward angles possibly caused by vehicles or as is more likely simply because they werenrsquot made particularly well Two dividers had snapped clean off their base with their jagged metal stalks now posing a different hazard The plants didnrsquot survive obviously They werenrsquot watered obviously They werenrsquot meant to be on Mumbairsquos streets obviouslyEarlier this week the flowerpots were repainted a more ghastly colour than we thought was possible and a few plants were replaced I assumed this was done not because the corporator suddenly woke up to find a conscience after decades of living without one but because BMC elections are just round the cornerSuddenly it all made sense As if by magical means representatives of political parties mdash who had spent the last five years avoiding questions from the press going on lsquostudy toursrsquo abroad interesting because almost none of them show any proclivity for education in their formative years or spending time on issues pertaining almost exclusively to the renaming of streets mdash began issuing anshynshyouncements and circulars on what they intended to do if we were all stupid enough to allow them another 5 years in officeHere are some of the interesting additions to the otherwise ancient list of promises they usually trot out like clockwork Free WiFi zones selfie points a gymnasium or two for senior citizens cycle tracks CCTV cameras in some localities and free SIM or data cardsTo put it into perspective individuals who want to manage our city believe that we the residents of Mumbai need access to WiFi and selfie spots more than we would prefer better roads cleaner public hospitals or a single decent public toilet in a city that now resembles a giant toilet itselfThis takes being delusional to a whole new level What are we to use those WiFi zones for anyway To log on to YouTube and look at wellmaintained roads and hospitals in other countries What do we do with selfie points when access to those points is stressful irrespective of whether you choose to go there by foot road or train And when was the last time a political party offered a free WiFi zone that actually functioned a few weeks after they got some free publicity for itThese promises only reveal how disconnected our corporators are from what we really need them to do Itrsquos why they assume they can win us over with things that simply donrsquot matter to us on a daily basis What makes this tragic however is that the lack of decent alternatives means we will be stuck with these clowns for another 5 years Think about that and fake a smile at the next selfie point you visit will youWhen he isnrsquot ranting about all things Mumbai Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet He tweets lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom