Lindsay Pereira: When governance is for namesake

Our government spent the week before this making sure the Oshiwara railway station would be named Ram Mandir proshymptly meeting its KRAs for the year File picGuess what the government of Maharashtra accomplished in the penultimate week of 2016 It renamed Elphinstone Road railway station The place will now be refershyred to as Prabhadevi presumably by the four or five people who refer to VT as CST Our government spent the week before this by making sure the upcoming Oshiwara railway station would be named Ram Mandir proshymptly meeting its Key Result Areas for the yearA number of political parties that claim to speak for millions of us are now demanding itrsquos interesting how they always demand never suggest that the names of three more suburban railway stations mdash Dadar Grant Road and Charni Road mdash be chanshyged This after the government spent time and money adding the word lsquoMaharajrsquo to the names of Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus and Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport Apparently the name changing proposal was unanimously approved by the state AssemblyI have absolutely no problem with any of the new names Irsquom sure some of them are deserved and there will be many people in my city who will be pleased What I fail to understand is how the government has the time energy and money for exercises like these when anyone with half a brain can point to a thousand other issues that urgently demand its attentionItrsquos also interesting how the government assumes it can con us into believing it is actually working for us by simply renaming streets and places Maybe it should just create a rule making it mandatory for every street railway station landmark and organisation to be renamed every two years so it can budget for this rebranding well in advance It can simply take the money it doesnrsquot spend on building us decent roadsMaybe the government should also consider renaming places based on the flavour of the month I propose Kapil Sharma Street in Versova for instance as a reminder to everyone living there that mangroves are to be protected Or change Hill Road to Salman Khan Marg for obvious reasons I also urge the government to consider renaming all stations every year after ministers in power during that period This way their massive egos will be stroked and it can also be a fun guessing game for us as we try and explain to taxi drivers what a streetrsquos name for a particular week isMinisters should change their own names too to appeal to specific vote banks and show us how much they care about us They should also rename their children every year then put up photographs of them on illegal banners across the city to show us what theyrsquove been up to while wersquore waiting for more public toilets and cleaner hospitalsThe best way for us to then keep track of all this renaming will be to replace all signs with LED boards that can display new names with the click of a few buttons The government should also invest in a website that allows us all to vote for the new names of streets and buildings It can run social media campaigns with hashtags like RenameGoregaon or MakeVirarVirat and encourage us all to spend a few hours every week thinking up exciting options for these admittedly boring places I also propose a lottery with ministers picking out winning names suggested by people across the city then using these entries to rename parts of Bombay for a week or so Why not rename parts of the city after the winners of these contests tooLastly I urge the government to consider making it mandatory for all residents of Bombay to get their own names vetted by a specially appoinshyted panel to see if they are Indian enough and reflective of the great and glorious history of our stateI expect a notice any day now demanding that I change my own name soon The name lsquoLindsayrsquo is not traditionally Indian Irsquom told and may offend the delicate sensibilities of our honourable ministers who may insist I change it to something more acceptable like Narendra Rahul or Amit Changing my birth certificate Aadhar card and passport will involve standing in a few lines of course and filling out countless forms in order to get the process underway but the past few weeks have trained me to stand in all kinds of lines without complaining I donrsquot dare protest because as we have all been told by our great leaders itrsquos unpatriotic for us to complain when soldiers are dying at the borderWhen he isnrsquot ranting about all things Mumbai Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet He tweets lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom