Meher Marfatia Column: Guns and roses

My daughter flew out of Paris two hours before bullets bloodied the city of love That fateful Friday marked the end of her month of backpacking through Europe with a pair of friendsTill I was actually able to hug her when she landed the next morning I was at first gripped by waves of near nausea Then in the beautiful way life has of turning you from the inside out I sensed a stronger surge overriding relief and gratitude that my 19yearold was safe Hundreds thousands of less lucky mothers are left mourning there and in Beirut just days before and in other lands dailyA childrsquos drawing from the book I Have A Dream published after the 2611 terror attacksParis or Peshawar Mumbai or Mali toddlers to teenagers donrsquot escape the politics of hate Children across countries are sucked faster and further into a violent vortex We canrsquot protect them from the relentless media feed of disturbing details and gory images Todayrsquos habitually wired generation is vulnerable to visuals of insane terrorism Flooded with totally traumatising footage of random riots and shootings how kids crave help to process their thoughts fears and confusion Denied discussion they could retreat anguished and afraid silently scarred by the bewildering barrage of misinformation pounding themThe very young naturally find it hardest to deal with examples of extremism Yet talking about it can broker some momentary solace Earlier this year the morning after the Charlie Hebdo gunning in the French capital a shaken friend called me Shersquod just returned from the bazaar having overheard a conversation between her fruit vendor and his sonPapa they say the men who were killed worked for a cartoon magazinerdquoldquoStop looking at those pictures give me back that paperrdquoldquoCartoons make everyone happy Why would anyone shoot funny menrdquoldquoAh because people get angry when they feel you are laughing at themrdquoldquoMy teacher told us laughter brings friends together This is the opposite of thatrdquoldquoBeta wersquoll talk soon about it now herersquos our next customerrdquoWith simple wisdom a father had bought his boy a little time and distance from the episode Skewed logic apart the chat must surely have brought relief for a bitFamily counsellor Gouri Dange suggests parents stream internal filters to steer clear of the typicality trap ldquoInstead of blanket bans lsquoDonrsquot speak badly of Muslimsrsquo or abstract remarks lsquoAfricans are wonderful peoplersquo get kids to actively meet people of different ethnicityrdquo she says ldquoItrsquos reassuring to put a more direct face to the lsquothemrsquo in the lsquousrsquo and lsquothemrsquo of prejudicerdquoRatan Tata observes in his foreword to I Have a Dream a collection of writings and drawings after the 2611 serial killings in Mumbai ldquoChildren display unbelievable empathy courage and imagination when confronted with extreme emotional disturbancerdquo Of course a few express avenging anger lsquoWait till I grow up and kill those terroristsrsquo but this response is outweighed by responses ranging from lsquoYou cannot clap with one handrsquo to lsquoNo man is completely badrsquo to lsquoIt is us against the problem not us against each otherrsquoIt takes a troubled young soul to make an adult think twice On watching Blood Diamond my kids were stunned by the searing brutality of Sierra Leonersquos civil war funded by ldquoconflict diamondsrdquo Standing ashenfaced before me brother and sister begged ldquoDonrsquot see the movie mum Yoursquoll never wear jewellery againrdquo My husband and I were dressing for a wedding that evening Later we did all talk about the tragic complexities dogging Africa Right then though was validation time I figured it best to don my simplest strand of pearlsAs always the past is ultimately inspiring If wars are triggered in the minds of men the same minds are equally equipped to make peace What seldom fails to calm are accounts of shared history where violence has proved everyone a loser and peace emerged a common concern The lessons learnt from warriorturnedbenevolentemperor Ashokarsquos rock carved edicts are a good place to start His decree both preached and practised that tolerance is the only eternal law and pacifism shapes a better world appeals to any child It did to my son seven years old when I read him this heroic story ldquoWowrdquo hersquod gasped ldquoYou should have named me AshokrdquoWrite in to Meher at mehermarfatiagmailcom