Ah New Year’s Eve. An opportunity for people to party and sharpen their mental skills by counting backwards from 10 to one while doing flaming Sambuca shots. New Year’s Eve celebrates a time-honoured auspicious event; the fact that your clock works. It is the collective sound of the world going “Whew, we didn’t end”. Unless the Mayans were right, and the world ends, in which case, this entire article is fraudulent, and you can write to sachin.kalbag@mid-day.com for a refund. Except you’re dead,u00a0so ha. Unless you were on the International Space Station when it happened, in which case, go forth and procreate, and tell every alien you meet that the Mayans were a****les.

Party problems: There are three main kinds of New Year’s Eve parties; bad ones, horrid ones, and ‘Makes the holocaust look like Coachella’ ones. The third one usually involves a crowded public-space, like a hotel or nightclub