If you see Vijay Mallya, please tell him I’m looking for him, yaar. I need his help.

Thing is, I live in terror of paperwork. Any paper more serious than a restaurant feedback form makes me break into a cold sweat. If I see a question, say, “what is your age?”, I start to panic. Have I understood the question rightly? Do I remember my age correctly? If I make a mistake what will the consequences be? Will they seal my bank account and take away my computer?