Rosalyn D'Mello: The pains of being a woman

I recently suffered the worst period of my adult life While Irsquom accustomed to what I call lsquoperiod brainrsquo where the inside of my head feels like itrsquos made of sawdust The phenomenon usually lasts a day or two and Irsquom often functional by day three This time around I was incapacitated for over 10 days and soon lost track of how many painkillers I felt forced to consume for the sake of maintaining my sanity I was surprised by how profusely I bled and how inclined I was to simply hang my head within the expanse of my palms and weep uncontrollablyThis time around I was incapacitated for over 10 days and soon lost track of how many painkillers I felt forced to consume Representation PicThinkstockAs a woman who at 30 feels no maternal calling and even occasionally resents the perpetual reminder of onersquos body as nothing but a babymaking machine I was reminded of this meme my sister had shown me that perfectly encapsulated how frustrating it often is to have to put up with the monthly occurrence of dreadful Aunty Flo Mediating between lowercase and capslock as a punctuating device it read as followsldquoSeriously though your period is like coming home one day and finding that your spouse has constructed this entire new baby bedroom inside your house and you have to tell them lsquoSweetie we donrsquot have a babyrsquo and then your spouse FLIPS THE OUT like ldquoThe do you mean we donrsquot have a baby I DID ALL THIS WORKrdquo and then they spend the next week tearing the whole room apart and throwing it out to the street and screaming at you and then finally when the room is completely gutted they calm down and say lsquoItrsquos okay hon wersquoll have a baby next monthrsquo and then they start building the room again AND THIS SHIT KEEPS GOING ON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNTIL YOU HIT LIKE 50 AND THEN YOUR SPOUSE LEAVES YOU BUT NOT BEFORE SETTING THE WHOLE HOUSE ON FIRE SO ITrsquoS NEVER THE SAME AGAINrdquoAs the gynaecologistrsquos assistant began to investigate my past and future I had several moments of realisation My friend who made the appointment had wrongly put down my age as 31 even though I still have three months left as a 30yearoldI wasnrsquot mentally prepared to be 31 Did I have any intentions of marrying and starting a family I was asked to which I said a calm and cool ldquoNordquo Mercifully she left it at that and didnrsquot ask me much more I was relieved Another friend who has yet to turn 30 and who was diagnosed with endometriosis had recently found herself at the receiving end of an elaborate lecture on how having a child was the best solution for her condition Since she was in fact married and had a supportive husband the gynecologist couldnrsquot fathom her adamant refusal of the joys of motherhood and warned her about the distinct possibility of potential regretWhen she and I met up later over a drink we lamented the insidious manner in which the cult of motherhood uses the threat of regret as currency for blackmail But what if you had a child and later regretted having said child Such a scenario is similarly irreversibleI found myself increasingly angry with my body I couldnrsquot help feeling like my uterus was deliberately betraying me with its unrelenting eagerness to conceive eagerness I do not share I hate the fact such little scientific research has been conducted to ease the plight of us victims of dysmenorrhoea I am still upset by how the biological process of menstruation that we do not necessarily elect as women to facilitate is used against us to deny us entry into places of worship to make us feel sullied and impure to make us seem somehow defective because for most married women under pressure to conceive a period implies a physiological failureWhen the debate was raging on about patriarchal forces that be upholding the regressive stance against menstruating women entering the sanctum sanctorum of temples my upstairsrsquo neighbour recounted a diary entry she made after hitting puberty when she was first made aware of womenrsquos alleged impurity during that time of the month ldquoI do not want to visit any god that doesnrsquot want to see merdquo it read clearly demonstrating early symptoms of feminist behaviour the only form of conditioning whose benefits I am eager to espouseDespite the unprecedented levels of suffering I endured over the past 10 days thanks to my faulty bodily machinery the only thing that kept me whole was my coterie of female friends whom I could consult and who could empathise with me But naturally our cycles are synchronized which cements our bond Thatrsquos the one thing we women can boast of that men can never comprehendDeliberating on the life and times of Everywoman Rosalyn DrsquoMello is a reputed art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover She tweets RosaParx Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom