Rosalyn D'Mello: When you're out of your mind (space)

Of late I find myself using the words lsquomind spacersquo a lot In fact I contract them so that the lsquodrsquo is unstressed and it seems almost subtracted silent Usually I am admitting the absence of what the word signifies I often donrsquot have the minespace to either communicate over the phone or respond to emails or texts or start crafting a new piece of writing or even work on an older one Recently I havenrsquot even had the minespace to be social enough to attend a party or art opening or raise my voice against clearly aggressive behaviour Being sick has significantly contributed to this definitive lack besides the sizzling summer heat and having to deal with a droughtlike situation our building hasnrsquot received water for more than two weeksRecently I havenrsquot even had the minespace to be social enough to attend a party or art opening or raise my voice against clearly aggressive behaviour Life is too short to get livid about everything Representation picThinkstockI have always believed that as a feminist who believes in the need for maintaining onersquos sanity itrsquos important to choose onersquos battles wisely Life is too short to get livid about everything which is what I told myself minutes after Irsquod settled into my seat on my flight from Goa back to Delhi It was a great spot 3F A Sardar was assigned the aisle seat while an unassuming chap sporting tight trousers sat between us All was well I had carried my dinner with me two sausage paos plus beef patties and I had the last 50 pages of Ali Smithrsquos How to be Both left to savour Soon enough the flight took off I tucked into part 1 of the sausage pao my book spread open in front of me Except from the corner of my eye I couldnrsquot help but notice that the passenger seated next to me had put on earphones and was air conducting Fair enough I thought we all have our moments when our bodies seem ecstatic and unselfconscious However mid air conducting this gentleman I discovered could be seen to be rubbing his balls At first it seemed like an innocent gesture something he was doing to relieve a momentary itch But 40 minutes into the flight I could no longer ignore it no matter how much I sunk my face into my book The frequency with which this passenger scratched at his balls had increased exponentially Eventually it would seem like all he was doing was administrating to his itchy testiclesAt first I was amused I thought I could silently observe his asinine behavior for future recounting to friends But I realised I had a low threshold for perverse behaviour Midflight I got up asked both men seated next to me to move so I could exit and made my way to the front of the aircraft to have a word with the stewardessesldquoExcuse merdquo I said ldquoIrsquom having a problemrdquoldquoWhatrsquos the matter Marsquoamrdquo one of the two asked as they were clearing away the food trays post serviceldquoYou see the guy sitting next to me He wonrsquot stop scratching his ballsrdquoAt which point both girls burst out laughing I joined in The situation seemed so absurd I couldnrsquot help itldquoCan I get you another seatrdquo she askedldquoCould you pleaserdquo I said ldquoI cannot sit there therersquos still at least an hour before the flight landsrdquoI had to wait a good 10 minutes It was a very busy flight and there seemed to be no seats available Finally the airhostess came up to me and asked if I would be okay with an aisle seat on the 29th row I grudgingly agreedI retrieved the rest of my belongings from my lovely 3F seat and made my way to the back of the plane To my right was a newly married couple returning from their honeymoon I felt like an trespasser intruding upon their intimacy It angered me that a man had acted like a pervert and that I punished myself for it instead of making a sceneBut that was precisely it I didnrsquot have the minespace to make a scene It was a latenight flight and all I wanted was to get back home with my sanity intactAs an Indian woman there is never a dearth of reasons to be pissed off with the world Injustice lurks at every corner as does inequality When all may seem right with the world our very bodies betray us Our minespace shrinksI have yet to come up with a remedy Until then a Girls Night Out seems like an excellent temporary cure offering a safe space to bitch and rant and secretly male bash Itrsquos one of very few things I have the minespace for these daysDeliberating on the life and times of Everywoman Rosalyn DrsquoMello is a reputed art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover She tweets RosaParx Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom