Anyone up for a nice miracle chapati?

The story goes that a certain wretched Bombay youth back when it used to be Bombay decided to commit suicide The reason the story tells us was an incurable cancer Did he have it His mother We are not toldRather than jumping off the Stock Exchange building because it didnt exist then he opted to walk into the sea and continue till dead We dont know how deep in the water he was when something wet large and sticky hit him on the side of his neck thwack and a voice presumably Gods began to speakThere was no need to die God said reasonably The thing that had just thwacked him was a miracle chapati capable of curing all existing diseases and preventing all forthcoming onesOh right ho thanks then the young man presumably said relieved and turned back towards the lights of ChowpattyNot so fast God said Theres no such thing as a free lunch To show your gratitude you will place this amazing chapati in a stainless steel dabba in a solution of tea water and sugar where it will double in a week Place the new miracle chapati in a separate container and soon two will become four A teaspoonful of that liqueur thrice daily will cure cancer diabetes dementia hiccups acne everything Got it Pass on the remaining three chapatis to deserving people with the same caveats Never give away the original chapatiGot it said the youthThink of it as a chain chapati God shouted to his retreating backsideThe miracle chapati was a thing back in the 1970s The suicide story was in all the papers and it was the only chatter at any party never mind if no one had actually seen the chapati or met anyone who had been made whole by drinking its elixirI was reminded of the miracle chapati by the buzz around the coming COVID vaccine India the worlds vaccine manufacturing hub announced plans to vaccinate 300 million people mdash a population equal to the United States by June If someone were to proclaim that the COVID vaccine incidentally also cures erectile dysfunction stammering migraine and rhotacism they would be readily believedBetween the miracle chapati and the miracle vaccine we have received our share of passing daily miracle cures In nonpandemic times the list has included turmeric to be taken with honey and ghee in the morning basil leaves with pepper honey and turmeric for most any respiratory condition methi seeds soaked overnight and taken with honey in the morning to cure or prevent diabetes cancer and heart disease while keeping blood pressure sugar and cholesterol within legal limits karela with powdered cinnamon to reverse diabetes chia seeds and quinoa for fibre bioflavonoids and as immune boosters hot water with lemon juice first thing in the morning to it seems initialise your bodyWith incurable COVID19 rampant it has been a busy time for fake miracle cures A shortlist would include a Japanese pendant that wards off the virus homoeopathic arsenic a colloidal silver solution the Miracle Mineral Solution available only by mail order from the Genesis II Church several potions and pills produced by Baba Ramdev and an anticorona mattressWith the vaccine miracle just around the corner its a good moment to scrutinise its details The only specific claim made on behalf of the vaccine is that it has been 9537 effective in preventing infected people from becoming very sick It does not prevent getting COVID19 infection It does not prevent transmission You still have to wear your mask be a good boy now And you still cannot just hop into a plane and go to Thailand for a holidayAs for the socalled miracle chapati it sounds an awful lot like a health drink called kombucha that originated in Manchuria China maybe 200 maybe 2000 years ago A kombucha culture is a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast SCOBY similar to mother of vinegar containing several species of probiotic bacteria and yeasts which form a jellylike mat known as a mother or more memorably mombucha Clearly some clever Indian brought it back from Manchuria realising that as the chapatis multiplied so would his incomeThe fizzy drink made from the elixir has been popular in parts of Russia China and Japan for centuries Homebrewn widely now and also sold commercially in bottles kombucha has been claimed to prevent ageing and cure AIDS anorexia arthritis atherosclerosis cancer constipation and diabetes but there is no scientific evidence to support any of these claimsMy fascination with the miracle chapati came to a quick end the day my father triumphantly brought one home It looked like a big wet slimy glistening pita bread floating in its thick sweet liqueur Since no one at home was sick my father gave away the whole chapati with its juices and that was thatHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcom Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individuals and dont represent those of the paper