<img style="float: left;" src="http://origin.mid-day.com/images/2021/oct/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />Lobo Lobo, my cable TV guy came over last night looking reasonably dapper.
&ldquo;Dikuna men, what ho&hellip; are you shaken or stirred?&rdquo; he asked me with a distinctly fake Brit accent.
&ldquo;Why do I get a vague&hellip; uhm M16 vibe about you, Lobo Lobo?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dikuna men, I just now sawed de latest Bond fillum, No Time To Die, socko action, whoaa!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Ah, Daniel Craig&rsquo;s last effort, wonder who&rsquo;ll replace him?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Arrey dere&rsquo;s been so much rubbish talk&hellip; all dis over-analysing James Bond&hellip; some peepuls feel dey should make 007 into a black man&hellip; udders insisting he should now become a woman&hellip; arrey leave him alone&hellip; no one aksed Walt Disney to make Micky Mouse into a giraffe, chhe&hellip; Bond is Bond men, not 005 or 006, but 007 men!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Lobo Lobo&hellip; you clearly have something else on your mind?&rdquo;
&ldquo;No no no Bossie, not laddat&hellip; Dough I do have a &lsquo;dinchak&rsquo; idea&mdash;see as you know some characters in Bond films are referred to by alphabets&hellip; like deres Bond&rsquo;s boss&hellip; wachyocall&hellip;uhm.&rdquo;
&ldquo;&lsquo;M&rsquo;,&rdquo; I said helpfully.
&ldquo;Yes, &lsquo;M&rsquo;&hellip; and den deres dat udder fallow&hellip; he also goes by anudder alphabet&hellip; he makes for Bond all dose gadgets and gizmos, cars dat fly and pens dat shoot bullets, wot is it&hellip; ahhhh yes, &lsquo;Q&rsquo;!&rdquo;
&ldquo;&lsquo;Q&rsquo; stands for Quartermaster,&rdquo; I offered.
&ldquo;So sumtimes de alphabet is de initial of a name like &lsquo;M&rsquo; and sumtimes it is de job dey perform, like &lsquo;Q&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Where are you going with this?&rdquo;
&ldquo;You see I want to add a new character to de Bond franchise, a character called &lsquo;L&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;&lsquo;L&rsquo;? As in &lsquo;L&rsquo; for Lobo?&rdquo; I enquired.
&ldquo;No not me, chhe, &lsquo;L&rsquo; stands for sumting else&hellip; L is for Ladies,&rdquo; he announced.
&ldquo;Ah, and what does &lsquo;L&rsquo; do, what&rsquo;s its function?&rdquo; I asked aghast.
&ldquo;&lsquo;L&rsquo;&rsquo;s job is to help Bond wid de ladies!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Lobo Lobo, he doesn&rsquo;t need help with the fairer sex, he is quite capable&hellip; if you&rsquo;ve noticed&hellip; over 40 years,&rdquo; I smiled.
&ldquo;No men, you don&rsquo;t follow, ladies are always landing him in problems, it&rsquo;s a Achilles Heel for him&hellip; 50 per cent of de time dey are an ally and 50 per cent time dey are enemies, for every one lady he has &lsquo;action&rsquo; wid, dere is one trying to off him.&rdquo;
&ldquo;So you&rsquo;re seeing another character called &lsquo;L&rsquo; accompanying Bond at all times, like &nbsp;Batman/Robin, Holmes/Watson?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;No no Dikuna men, &lsquo;L&rsquo; is not a person, it is a small robot, like Alexa or R2D2 from &lsquo;Star Wars&rsquo; , who Bond carries around in his suit pocket&mdash;whenever Bond encounters a lady, dis little robot comes to life.&nbsp;
He gives him verbal or vibration warnings or signals. &lsquo;L&rsquo; will indicate to him if a lady is romantically interested or is alternately a ruthless spy. So, when he approaches a dame at a bar who&rsquo;s giving dat &lsquo;come hidder look&rsquo;, &lsquo;L&rsquo; will whisper, using his razor sharp X-Ray eyes, &lsquo;James, be careful she has put a sleeping tablet in your Martini!&rsquo; or &lsquo;Bond be careful, she has a pistol in her handbag&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;I see,&rdquo; I said.
&ldquo;&lsquo;L&rsquo; can figure which lady Bond can trust or can&rsquo;t, who is a terrorist or who is a temptress, he knows instinctively if she&rsquo;s a &lsquo;Bond Girl&rsquo; to be &lsquo;patoaed&rsquo; or if she&rsquo;s a bad girl to be wary of or if she&rsquo;s just Badass.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Sounds amazing, Lobo Lobo, and what will &lsquo;L&rsquo; &nbsp;look like, I&rsquo;m hoping it&rsquo;s a beautiful Barbie doll-like robot?&rdquo;
Lobo Lobo suddenly went quiet. &ldquo;No men, it&rsquo;s not a lady, it&rsquo;s actually a replica of me.&rdquo;
I gulped.
&ldquo;Right and you want to add this &lsquo;L&rsquo; robot to be introduced in the next Bond film?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes Dikuna men, I have a title too for the film&mdash;it&rsquo;s &lsquo;Dial &lsquo;L&rsquo; for Ladies&rsquo;.&rdquo;
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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“Dikuna men, I just now sawed de latest Bond fillum, No Time To Die, socko action, whoaa!”

Bonding with Lobo Lobo

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