<img style="float: left;" src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2014/mar/rahul.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="53" />Apple CEO Tim Cook called me last evening.
&ldquo;Dude, your custom-made iPhone 15 is ready. Take it for a test drive. Let us know if you&rsquo;re satisfied so we can unveil it in India.&rdquo;
<img src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2015/jan/04iphone.jpg" alt="" /> Illustration / Amit Bandre
Okay, all you techies, trollers and tweeters out there, it is time to go green with envy. I&rsquo;ve jumped several handsets ahead to an iPhone 15.
So, you&rsquo;re obviously asking, what does this phone do? Okay, so it can do all the obvious stuff &mdash; you can make phone calls, you can check Facebook every two minutes and send out tweets every three minutes. You can also take all the selfies you want &mdash; the camera has some 1 million megapixels (thus allowing us to take photos of future space missions to Uranus and Jupiter).
Citizens of &lsquo;Swachh Bharat&rsquo;, the iPhone 15 has been custom-made by Apple technicians to help India say proudly &lsquo;acche din aa gaye&rsquo;.
For starters, it has an app called &lsquo;eBufoon&rsquo; &mdash; this gives a leader like PM Narendra Modi a heads up, as to which minister of his will make an out of turn, obnoxious or odious remark in the Parliament. So when one of his MPs gives a soundbite like, &ldquo;Having sex frequently can reduce your lifespan&rdquo; or &ldquo;By 2021, I will make India a 100 per cent Hindu state&rdquo;, or &ldquo;Women should never go out at night dressed in jeans or be given cell phones&rdquo;, the loudmouth&rsquo;s name will beep in Narendraji&rsquo;s phone directory. He can then take whatever action he needs to.
Another special app called &lsquo;Whackjob&rsquo; is a boon for women who use late night public or private transport. If a lady takes a rickshaw, a rented car or a ride with an ostensibly &lsquo;courteous, chivalrous man&rsquo;, &lsquo;Whackjob&rsquo; picks up a signal &mdash; if the guy makes the slightest move to molest, a beeper goes off, alerting the entire neighbourhood. (The iPhone 6 surprised everyone with its bendability). The iPhone 15 isn&rsquo;t merely bendable &mdash; it rolls up to become an iron rod. A deadly weapon of private part destruction.
This phone truly has a host of other wonderful software easy to download from the Apple Store &mdash; &lsquo;IndiaWantsToKnow&rsquo; gives indicators to interviewees like Rahul Gandhi on what fate might befall them in Question- Answer sessions.
&lsquo;OyeI&rsquo;mHere&rsquo; lets Virat Kohli know which part of a cricket ground Anushka Sharma is seated in.
&lsquo;iSneaky&rsquo; lets RAW and the Indian army know when Pakistan makes a move on our border. And &lsquo;iLie&rsquo; gives us a realistic idea of whether terrorists like Lakhvi are indeed in jail, or were quietly let out on bail. &lsquo;PKOK&rsquo; is a web forecast app that gives Bollywood producers and theatre owners fair warning about &lsquo;Hurting Hindu sentiment&rsquo; content in their films. &lsquo;iSrini&rsquo; is a bookie-specific app. &lsquo;MSD&rsquo; is a free phone call dialled from Dhoni&rsquo;s phone that lets the BCCI know what his future plans are. And so on and so forth.
Tim Cook tells me he is working on iPhone 16.&nbsp;I pray that this phone has an airplane tracking app.
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62 @gmail.com The views expressed in this column are the individual&rsquo;s and don&rsquo;t represent those of the paper.

Apple CEO Tim Cook called me last evening

Do you have the iPhone 15?

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Home / News / Opinion / Article / Do you have the iPhone 15?

Do you have the iPhone 15?

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