It’s been an action-packed fortnight. The Incheon games are underway, and luncheons at the White House are being prepared, even though Modiji is fasting. Our tireless leader has banged bongo drums in Tokyo, offered Chinese premier Xi Jinping dhoklas and undhyu in Ahmedabad, unwittingly caused a poor newscaster to be sacked for thinking that Xi stood for 11, and inaugurated our pioneering efforts to make contact with the Martians. (All this work on an empty stomach).

Elsewhere in the world, the Scots voted to remain hinged with the UK (enough for Alia Bhatt to tweet, “Overjoyed that Scotland has stayed with Manchester United”). Arnie Schwarzenegger met Jayalalithaa in Chennai to discuss her playing the villain in the Hollywood blockbuster, The Expendables 4. A reliable source indicated that the AIADMK supremo is reluctant to portray a negative character just before the assembly elections.