How not to ruin the Golfer’s Egg

I invented the Golferrsquos Egg Irsquom not ashamed to admit it even though my critics and detractors have reviled me as a clumsy amateur incapable of controlling a runny eggThe shattering truth is that the fundamental idea came not from my head but from a small family of Italian immigrants living in New York I was watching their story for the fifth time in a film called Moonstruck as part of developing a greater appreciation of Cherrsquos newly restored topographical details after countless otomies and plasties Towards the filmrsquos end there was a fleeting breakfast shot mdash and the seed of the Golferrsquos Egg was planted in my otherwise moribund brainThe shot showed an Italian madreacute breaking an egg into a hole cut into the centre of a large slice of bread This is all I saw I swear it The rest is mine I stayed awake late into that restless night pondering the virtues of bread eggs slices stuffings and Italians Towards dawn in a dream between sleeping and waking I was given the recipe for the Golferrsquos Egg People often ask me today why I did not baptise it as Gopinathrsquos Egg My answer has always been Would you eat something called Gopinathrsquos Egg first thing in the morningLetrsquos talk about Bombai Click the QR code above to join my WhatsApp group to share your Bombai stories for my bookmdashand perhaps answer some of my Bombai questionsThe Golferrsquos Egg had one crippling flaw which no one not even Cher not even its founding father could solve Letrsquos explore that problem first before I give you the solutionIngredients1 large fresh egg1 large slice of bread1 dollop of butterSalt to tasteFreshly ground black pepper1 First cut a hole slightly smaller than a jam bottlersquos cap in the bread using a knife if you donrsquot have a pastry cutter2 In a mediumsized pan on low or medium heat plop some lovely butter and when it starts frothing briefly wet both sides of the bread with it and then fry it In about a minute when the bottom is lightly golden flip it over3 Break the egg expertly into the hole in the breadHere is what will mdash or should mdash happenThe yolk will sit like a lovely golden eye in the middle But in seconds you will see disaster unfold as the rest of the egg leaks out from under the bread randomly spreading over the pan like a map of some exSoviet country The result will look like an omelette with a slice of bread sitting on top and a halfcooked yolky yellow eye in the middle Welcome to the fatal flaw in the Golferrsquos EggI have ruined the Golferrsquos Egg like this for decades laughing it off lightly as though it was part of the plan Last week I spent all night determined to find a solution laying waste to dozens of eggs I finally fell into a deathlike slumber It was then that the answer came to me in a nightmare around dawn when that voice spoke to me again You idiot said the voice use two slices instead of one but cut a hole only into the top slice The bottom slice will block the egg runoffLetrsquos try it again This time the ingredients aremdash1 large fresh egg2 large slices of breadMany dollops of butterSalt to tasteFreshly ground black pepperFor stuffing yes wersquore breaking new ground hereUse your imagination Choose from bacon onions mushrooms or ham or similar in any combination Chop everything fine1 Fry the stuffing starting with the ingredients that take the longest to cook2 Cut a hole in one slice Fry both slices in a little butter till golden brown on one side3 Keep the pan on medium or mediumlow heat and place the slice without the hole on it4 Layer the stuffing mixture over it A little spillage is okay donrsquot worry bambino5 Lay the slice with the hole on top of this toasted side up6 Glub a small gobblable dollop of luggabuggle butter into the hole and break the egg into it A little bit of it may flow in and around the spaces between the stuffing Donrsquot fret The magic is about to begin7 Cover the saucepan to trap the heat and cook the egg evenly Alternatively expose it to top heat under a grill8 When it looks mostly cooked quickly drizzle hot butter over the yolk to complete the cooking processYou should be looking at a breathstopping breakfast spectacle of golden bread sandwiching a savoury mixture with a sunrise yellow egg yolk in the middleFull disclosure I havenrsquot tried it yet so who can say what will happen Maybe the egg will leak out from between the slices and make a puddle Irsquom not God and Cher doesnrsquot even know my name So make the Golferrsquos Egg on your own time and at your peril But I promise you this mdash however it turns out the Golferrsquos Egg has no choice but to taste terrificWhat if you end up with a goo Herersquos my winning braindropping mdash mash the whole thing into akuri and serve it as Wrestlerrsquos EggYou can reach C Y Gopinath at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the 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