Lobo Lobo and the ripped jeans

I called Lobo Lobo my cable repair manldquoLobo Lobo hihellip can you comerdquoHe was abrupt ldquoHey Dikuna men Irsquoll call you back give me 20 minitsrdquo the sound of metal doors clanging in the distanceldquoLobo Lobo whatrsquos that sound Talk to me where are yourdquo I asked concernedldquoBoss Irsquom in de Virar Police Station But itrsquos all ok men Irsquom just leavingrdquoldquoWhat are you doing in a police station Is something of yours stolen Have you been in an accidentrdquoldquoUhm uhm uhn no men Dere was a misunderstandingrdquoldquoWhat kind of lsquomisunderstandingrsquordquoldquoI was uh wot to tell you Dikuna men slight lsquouhmhellip dere was a complaint by uhmhellip I was wearinghellip or raderhellip not wearinghelliprdquoldquoLobo Lobordquo I yelled ldquoDid you go skinny dipping did you lsquoflashrsquo in front of girls have you exposed indecentlyrdquoldquoNo no no Dikuna Dis is not Section 294 of Indian Penal Code Whachyoiucallit lsquoindecent exposurersquo chhe Wot wot tings you say Uhm itrsquos a little embarrassing Seehellip I was wearing lsquorippedrsquo jeans but dey were not torn when dey were boughtrdquoldquoHow do jeans become ripped unless you cut them with scissorsrdquoldquoNo no I didnrsquot cut dem wid scissors men chherdquoldquoAnyway Lobo Lobo Wearing ripped jeans at your agehellipwith your spindly legs so uncool Ripped jeans are style statements They are tailormade for women to wear Itrsquos what makes them easy targets for misogynistic uncles posing as politicians to make regressive comments Only male hip hop stars can pull them off In any case how can wearing ripped jeans get you arrestedrdquo I yelledldquoArrey Dikuna men Jus chill ya Irsquom not arrestedrdquoldquoOkay Lobo Lobo my apologies Please tell your storyrdquoldquoSee men My daughter Cinderella and son Ronaldo boughted me a pair of jeans from de footpat near Virar station Dey were proper jeans men no rips or tears at all but one ting dey were damn tight uffAnyway so dis morning I wore dem I was trying to run after de bus but as I was alighting frrrrrrrk de jeans got a little torn near de inner tigh So as I was trying to get into de ottorickshaw dey tore a little morehellipfrrrrrrrk in bot de kneeshellipden I was attempting to jump on de blinking train and den anuddder tear above de calves hellipfrrrrrrrk So at one point my blinking legs were exposed men chhehellipdere were many tears men De jeans were torn everywhere in de knees de tighs all over men Dere was hardly any denim left if you go to seerdquo he said a tad shamefacedldquoSo why not just go home and get changedrdquoldquoI was trying to do dat only but on de way home I got hungry chhe so I went to my regular vadapao stall which happens to be outside a college Anyways while I was munching I tought I saw my neighbourrsquos daughter who studies dere So I smiled and waved Akshully it was some udder girl She got damn scared men she started screaming oooofhellip she called de security and de principalrdquoldquoI donrsquot blame her some stranger with torn pants waving like a pervert but why wave at a stranger Lobo Lobordquo I askedldquoArrey men wid dese bleeding COVID19 masks dey half cover de face who knows who it is anymore Next ting I am in de police chowkyrdquo Lobo Lobo saidldquoSo do you need me to get down thererdquo I askedldquoNo no Inspector Dhondu from Virar Police station is my college chaddi buddy I explained him everyting He has released me we are having a chairdquoldquoSo yoursquore ok thenrdquoldquoYes we are having a rip roaring time excuse de pun Dikuna menrdquo Lobo Lobo concluded chucklingRahul da Cunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom