Lovers, parks and full circles

Today is Valentinersquos Day a day thatrsquos always had a wobbly existencemdashmore hated than loved by different cultural gatekeepers The right wing has traditionally opposed it as they do anything with a hint of private desire freedom and sexual ease Liberals have traditionally dismissed it as they do most things with a hint of the market popular culture and sexual easeYes fear of sexual ease does make for strange bedfellows but it would rightIn 2006 while shooting a film about an incident of moral policing in a Meerut park a young woman said to us ldquoIf you have to love it should not be in a place like parks jiski image down ho chuki hairdquo One should never do something like this which can bring disgrace to your parents Well that doesnrsquot leave much In India almost anything you like to do is apparently a surefire disgracetoparents bijness Or rather anything you do publicly Therein lies a long history of covert romance and a notsodelicious secrecy and shame about love and desire Violently hidden romances with girlfriend not of your caste or boyfriend of your gender making the love feel a little dirty a little unwanted a lot painful because no question of going against family yaniki jaatpaatbank account that toh hardly needs to be said na Intense extramarital affair full of declarations and confidences can be ended with unceremonious callousness because shaadi is obviously the ldquorealrdquo thing and deserves respectEven where there is no honour killing and violent persecution the emotional landscape of love is encased in doubt and illegitimacies made deeper by efforts to make love respectable via marriage or progressive cred We can shudder that Vday is for foolsmdashbut in such a context being a lovefool is no walk in the park Vday is saved from virtuousness by its terrible aesthetics the teddy bear kitsch that has no name nor claim yet somehow no one can fully resist It allows many things to become public that have a shadowy existence in our culture It even allows some who secretly yearn for romance but are told itrsquos uncool to give and receive roses and bright pink candy under cover of ironyThe sight of lovers canoodling in parks and promenades evokes condescension in some but for me it has always evoked tenderness How far we must go from home to find privacy in a public place How telling that it is in those inbetween placesmdashthe edge of land and sea a park enclosed with seethrough fencesmdashthat people must go to fulfil that deep human need holding each other closeParks ki image is down not because of lovers but because they went from places of amorous frolic to war zones of harassment by rightwing vigilantes and bribeseeking cops and the separation of older lovers by singleseater benches in nananani parks as if older people donrsquot yearn to touch or strike up a thrilling conversations with paraya persons leading to a latelife pink teddy bearAnd yet This year the government led by the Shiv Sena government that once led antiValentine activities announced that police should patrol parks to ensure young people arenrsquot harassed this Valentinersquos Day Yaniki parks ki image is going up It must be true thenmdashlove makes the world come full circleParomita Vohra is an awardwinning Mumbaibased filmmaker writer and curator working with fiction and nonfiction Reach her at paromitavohramiddaycom