The other night Zorro, Phantom, the Lone Ranger and I went to PVR (Juhu) to watch Sallubhai’s new blockbuster KICK. An evening of ‘naach gaana’ and ‘maara-maari’ eating nachos in red trays.

“Man that was great fun,” the three fictional masked characters gushed politely as we walked out post the movie, to get some Baskin Robbins.

“We got to see our first flesh and blood Bollywood masked hero,” the Lone Ranger said.

“I’m envious,” Zorro said, untethering his horse in the underground parking, “All these years, I’ve been forced to wear a black hat, black shirt, black pants, a black cloak, plus a mask to be unrecognisable. Your Bhai just puts on a half mask and Jacqueline Fernandez can’t recognise him, even with his shirt off.”

The Phantom was even more pissed off as he refused a mint chocolate ice-cream — “Hey, Zorro, dude, at least your creators dressed you in black, a nice, slimming colour. My creator Lee Falk put me in this figure-hugging, light purple outfit. It’s such an effeminate colour. And if I binge on junk food even for one weekend, my love handles burst out.”

As the three masked macho men began arguing about their respective weight problems, I interjected, “Guys stay with the topic, what did you think of the film?”