Men need to relearn being male

Indian men need help I mean this in the best possible way aware of the fact that this makes me sound like a pseudofeminist woke boy Im told its fashionable now the idea of an aware sensitive man in touch with his anima who isnt afraid to mention this on his Tinder profile I say this however because it has taken me years to even begin to have a conversation about how we are conditioned We behave in ways that ought to be questioned more but never areThere were a number of triggers for why I now feel this way and they all came via my Twitter feed in the aftermath of Indias tentative MeToo movementA whole lot of columns have already been committed to print on whether the movement has changed things whether it is a movement at all or whether the noise will die down soon and allow predators to come out of the long shadows they have taken temporary respite in I have nothing to say about it because in all honesty I am not equipped to understand it How can I in my privileged position as a man working in a media business that props up other men I have never had to deal with suggestive comments lewd gestures hints and nods or the odd caress by someone wanting me to yield in return for a promotion I have simply accepted a climb up these slippery ladders too blind to recognise what ought to have stared me in the face a long time agoSo no this isnt about the movement It is about why so many men reacted on Twitter by saying they felt wronged They didnt get it Raging against feminism is now a sport and the idea that masculinity can be extremely toxic is still a discussion far too few people have been havingWhen we refer to masculinity as toxic what we probably refer to is a culture that creates nurtures and justifies notions of what it means to be male I cant speak for men outside India of course but from where Im standing Indian men continue to occupy a position of authority that has existed for thousands of years and doesnt seem as if it will be challenged any time soonThis privilege also encompasses feelings professions and personality traits which is why millions of Indian women shy away from refuse to engage with or simply drop out of the workplace every yearIt doesnt take a lot of research to figure out why Indian women dont feel comfortable in the workplace or any public space for that matter We encourage and function like Boys Clubs in most industries fostering generations of young men who grow into leadership positions armed with the belief that it is perfectly okay to be sexist misogynist ordismissive of what female colleagues thinkWe carry this attitude home which is why so many Indian men dismiss therapy as reserved for those not tough enough to cope The women in our lives unfortunately are burdened with the task of dealing with these unresolved issues They must offer emotional support unconditionally and no ones looking at what this costs themMuch has been said about the benefits of therapy and how it can help us with everything from anger to longterm depression We dont list these benefits because we like to treat therapy as taboo as a sign that something isnt going right in our livesThis stigma causes real damage preventing people from seeking help when they need it most The healing effects of therapy have been documented for decades but I prefer to look at it as a process of unlearning which is what Indian men need more than ever before Our vulnerabilities have no outlet because we arent allowed to cry We have to relearn what it means to be male because what we were taught no longer worksThings arent getting easier for young men who spend more time in bubbles of their own making locked in rooms with Netflix and smartphones deprived of the companionship so many of us once took for granted Adding loneliness to a potent cocktail of repression selfdoubt and social awkwardness creates a scenario where the need for better mental health is paramount and we simply arent talking about it Its time that scenario changedSo yes men need help And the sooner we ask for it the better it will be for Indian womenWhen he isnt ranting about all things Mumbai Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet He tweets lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomCatch up on all the latest Crime National International and Hatke news here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates