Magician and cable technician Lobo Lobo dressed as an Easter egg for a rich family’s performance, got drenched in eggs by a mischievous neighbour, and plans a humorous revenge dish called “Hormuz Hilsawalla par eedu"
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Lobo Lobo, my cable TV technician came over… there was yolk, and egg shells in his hair. He was also dressed like a half Easter egg, needless to say I was confused.
“Lobo Lobo, may I ask why you are dressed like an Easter egg in the bottom half of body and you also have yolk and egg shells on your head?”
Lobo Lobo was semi distressed — he sat down with some difficulty on account of his egg couture.
“Long story men, I’ll tell you slowly slowly — see, as you know I am a man of many talents, in de entertainment area also — in my dat Virar area I do mageek shows for de peepuls. I do dat full act men, my better half Myrtle was my assistant so I would put her in dat one big box and then I would saw her in half, problem happened because she became quite prosperous men, roly poly. She toh was not fitting inside de box, so now I put my dotter — anyways to cut a long story shortened, I do many many such tings on de Sundays, all dese rich and ‘amir’ peepuls aks me to peform variety stuffs. For de childrens type I do dat clown act — I have to walk around dese rich homes and dese bleddy rich kids get to say, ‘hey clown come here, my dad is paying you..’ and den dey box my nose…”
“Why do you do it Lobo Lobo? Why humiliate yourself?”
“Arre Dikuna men, wot to tell you, my blinking expenses are mounting, Myrtle’s catering bizness is going trou some tough days, and dat fool Ronaldo my son wants to go to dat UK and woch his hero his namesake Ronaldo play… and he wants money men, so I have to earn more for his expenses. Anyway, you wont to know why I’m toh dressed like an egg, no? See men, dis one rich bugger from our side onie, his name is Hector Hubert Henriques. So he hired me to perform one act, for his grandkids, dey are two rich spoiled kids — I am performing my act for Easter today.”
Lobo Lobo stopped.
“Whats the act, Lobo Lobo”
“See Dikuna, don’t laff men, but I have to dress up as a Easter egg.”
“And what do you have to do.”
“See men, you remember dere was dose songs men in de 70s.See we have singed some songs for Easter, I have to sing dese songs and jump around and dance, I have learned de fox trot, and samba and rumba and tango from dat JJ Roderigues and Co.”
“On another note, Lobo Lobo, why are you covered in egg yolk?”
“My immediate padosi, he’s one bawa bugger — Hormaz Homi Hilsawalla. He and I are always in panga men, he makes socko fun of me all de time. See as you know how dese Parsi peepuls, dey are obsessed wid eggs, ‘eedu’ dey call it. Every ting dey put on eggs. So, from top ony he sawed me come home dressed as a Easter egg, men I had no time to change, so to make fun he made up one song…
“Hey Lobo Lobo,you are an eedu eedu…
are you fried, are you scramble are you boiled are you omelete…
Are you poro
Are you tamatar par eedu,
Papeta par eedu,
Salli par eedu,
Wafer par eedu
Kera par eeda, bhindi par eedu
Baaji par eedu
Kheema par eeda, Bheeda par eedu
Bafela par eedu
Palak par eedu
Charwela eedu
Leela lusan par eedu
Sukka boomla par eedu
Khari biscoot par eeda
Jinga no poro
Bheja no poro
Eda chutney na pattice
Are you Eggs Vindaloo..Lobo Lobo
Are you Eggs Vindaloo
Are you egg-cited?
Anda anda whats your funda
On Easter Sunday, Funday, Andde”
And den dis bugger Hormuz and his damn blinking sons, Kayrus, Cyrus and Darayus, dey began trowing eggs at me from top, splatch dose eggs landed on my topda. Uffff — Dey are shouting, hey hey, see uncle Lobo Lobo is running and ducking, all dese eggs landed on my head. And I have a plan to get back at my neighbour!”
“And what is that, Lobo Lobo?”
“I will give him a good trashing, and make a dish out of it called “Hormuz Hilsawalla par eedu’,” Lobo Lobo concluded.
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, filmmaker and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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