<img style="float: left;" src="http://origin.mid-day.com/images/2022/jan/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />It was 5 am, Jan 1, muffled sounds emanated from Natasha aka Nats&rsquo; flat.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Morning Natasha, are you coming in or heading out?&rdquo;&nbsp;
I queried my 18-year-old neighbour.
Nats&rsquo; eyes narrowed suspiciously, &ldquo;Rahul Bruh, are you being &lsquo;Concerned Uncle&rsquo; or &lsquo;Big Brother&rsquo;?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Neither... I&rsquo;m being &lsquo;Nocturnal Neighbour&rsquo; who got rudely woken up!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Liar, you are, &lsquo;Protective Substitute Papa&rsquo;, waiting for my key to turn in the lock so you know I&rsquo;m safe. You can chill now, dude... I have Armaan.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Who&rsquo;s... uhm Armaan?&rdquo;
&ldquo;My &lsquo;bae&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&lsquo;Your &lsquo;bai&rsquo; comes in later.&rdquo;
&ldquo;No dude, not &lsquo;bai&rsquo;, my &lsquo;bae&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s &lsquo;bae&rsquo;?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Bae. BF... boyfriend... &lsquo;significant other.&rsquo;&rdquo;
&ldquo;You have a &lsquo;significant other&rsquo;?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yeah Bruh... you surprised?&rdquo;
&ldquo;No, no I&rsquo;m not surprised... you are quite attractive in an Amy Winehouse kind of way.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Thanks for the vote of confidence, Bruh&rdquo;
&ldquo;Natasha, I know everyone who comes in and out of your home... when did you slip a boyfriend in without my noticing?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Now dude, you&rsquo;re going from &lsquo;Nosey Neighbour&rsquo; to &lsquo;Borderline Creep&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;So your &lsquo;bae&rsquo; dropped you home and left, I&rsquo;m guessing?&rdquo;
&ldquo;He&rsquo;s asleep, Rahul uncle (meaningful pause) &nbsp;inside.&rdquo;
I paused.
&ldquo;Dude... do I see judgement masquerading as shock &nbsp;swirling around in your head? &nbsp;Uncle ji?&rdquo;
&ldquo;So where did you meet your &lsquo;bae&rsquo;, this Armaan?&rdquo;
&ldquo;On a dating app, a week ago.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Whaaaat... a dating app?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yeah... a dating app called &lsquo;Bumble&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;You met your &lsquo;bae&rsquo; on a dating app called &lsquo;Bumble&rsquo;... is he a Bumble Bae?&rdquo; I joked.&nbsp;
No laughter was forthcoming.
&ldquo;Yeah &lsquo;Bumble&rsquo;, it&rsquo;s a cool app, you know what sets it apart from all the Tinders of the world, Rahul bruh?&rdquo;
&ldquo;No... but I sense you&rsquo;re about to tell me?&rdquo;
&ldquo;The power is in the hands of us women, it&rsquo;s a feminist dating app!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Meaning?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Women get to make the first move after two people mutually connect&mdash;then they become a part of each other&rsquo;s hive.&nbsp;
Cool, right?&rdquo;
&ldquo;So you and Armaan are now a part of each other&rsquo;s hive... I can imagine you two buzzing around.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dude... cut the sarcasm, okay?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Nats, kiddo, at your age, why do you need a dating app... can&rsquo;t you just meet boys at the zillions of parties you go to, why resort to technology&rdquo;
&ldquo;Saves time, dude. The people I meet in college or at parties are so &lsquo;meh&rsquo;... so &lsquo;blah&rsquo;. On dating apps, you cut to the chase, you specify what you want, the type you like and just dive in... no nonsense chit-chat (pause, her eyes widened).
 &ldquo;You know bruh... come to think of it, why don&rsquo;t you get onto a dating app... I could set it up... you could meet some really hot older women.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Uhm Nats, I&rsquo;m good for now, thanks.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bruh... &lsquo;Hinge&rsquo; is straight up your alley... you could have interesting conversations... work your way into a relationship?&rdquo;
&ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorted, Natasha.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dude. I got it... you&rsquo;d love &lsquo;Coffee and Bagel.&rsquo;&rdquo;
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s &lsquo;Coffee and Bagel&rsquo;?&rdquo;
&ldquo;It&rsquo;s a dating app that sends you options at noon...&rdquo;
&ldquo;Got it. So what does young Armaan do?&rdquo;
Nats was now unstoppable.
&ldquo;Puhl-ease don&rsquo;t tell me you that you live in an era of classified ads, &lsquo;Fair complexioned Cancerian, loves cats, carpaccio and cutting edge heavy metal, seeks like-minded blah blah blu blu.&rsquo;&rdquo;
&ldquo;Nats... what&rsquo;s the plan?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Plan... what plan?&rdquo;
&ldquo;You have a &lsquo;bae&rsquo;, who you met a week ago... and he&rsquo;s already sleeping over. There&rsquo;s got to be a plan.&rdquo;
Nats&rsquo; smile formed a confluence where condescension met amusement.
&ldquo;You wanna know when we&rsquo;re gonna get engaged, when I&rsquo;m gonna meet his mom, Rahulji?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Shut up, I&rsquo;m not that old fashioned!&rdquo;
&ldquo;That&rsquo;s &lsquo;awes&rsquo; Bruh... but I can&rsquo;t become &lsquo;shaadi shuda&rsquo; anytime soon, just saying.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Why not?&rdquo;
&ldquo;They&rsquo;re moving the marriage age up from 18 to 21!&rdquo; Nats concluded, her eyes twinkling.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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Nats and her ‘bae’

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