<img style="float: left;" src="http://origin.mid-day.com/images/2022/oct/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />It was 10 pm, last night&hellip; I heard my neighbour, 19-year-old Natasha, aka Nats&rsquo; front door shut.
I popped out to confirm she was home safely, only to see her decked up to go out.
&ldquo;Rahul Bruh, hey, sup,&rdquo; she said, double locking her door.
&ldquo;Are you heading out, Nats?&rdquo;, I asked, cautiously.&nbsp;
&ldquo;(Eye roll) Bruh... no! I just double lock my door for fun.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Lose the attitude, please. Are going out partying&hellip; uhmm&hellip; dressed like &hellip; uhm&hellip; that?&rdquo;
&ldquo;(Double eye roll + &lsquo;pffffff&rsquo;) Dressed like what? What&rsquo;s wrong with what I&rsquo;m wearing? (nostrils flare + &lsquo;pffff&rdquo;).&rdquo;
&ldquo;Look, I&rsquo;m as liberal as the next guy, but that dress, can it get any&hellip; uhh... it ah leaves nothing to the imagination.&rdquo;
&ldquo;So what&rsquo;s the point you&rsquo;re making, uncle?&rdquo;
&ldquo;I would prefer you wear something a little less uhm&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;Revealing?&rdquo;&nbsp;
I nodded.
&ldquo;Rahul uncle, I left Hoshiarpur to get away from this &lsquo;Big Brother Concern Masquerading As Conservatism&rsquo; and just my bad luck, I landed up next door to you. What were the chances of that happening (hand on hips, tea pot like)?&rdquo;.
&ldquo;Nats, if you...&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Dude, just get off my back, you don&rsquo;t have the right.&rdquo; &nbsp;
&ldquo;I understand. Good night.&rdquo;
And I began to go back inside.
&ldquo;Dude where you going, I&rsquo;m not done venting!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Think we should just agree to disagree. You wanna go out attired like this, &nbsp;with your JLo figure... be my guest!&rsquo;
&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know if I should take that as a compliment, but seriously, don&rsquo;t have a Menty B about my dress. Chill it yo!&rdquo; she said.
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s a Menty B?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;(Wide disbelieving eyes) Menty B&hellip; it&rsquo;s so obvio! Mental breakdown.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Look Nats, you can wear anything you want, but if it gets the wrong attention, you know how it is, it&rsquo;ll be all &lsquo;your fault&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&lsquo;That&rsquo;s fine.&rdquo;
&ldquo;It&rsquo;s not fine. Aamir&rsquo;s daughter wears a bikini on her birthday, she&rsquo;s trolled, Suhana Khan is criticised for wearing a sexy sari for a Diwali bash. Enough already. It&rsquo;s our frikkin&rsquo; choice!&rdquo;
(Triple eye roll + steam from nostrils) You know Rahul uncle, I&rsquo;m so done with you and the rest of your tribe deciding everything for us.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Tribe what tribe?&rdquo;
&ldquo;You guys... you you&hellip;UGGs.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s UGG?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Uncles Giving Gyan.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Nats come on... that&rsquo;s unfair&hellip;what do we decide for you?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Ohohoh don&rsquo;t get me started, everything&mdash;&lsquo;You&rsquo;re wearing that?, &lsquo;You can&rsquo;t wear that!&rsquo;, &lsquo;You&rsquo;re not wearing enough&rdquo;, &lsquo;You&rsquo;re wearing too much&rsquo;, &lsquo;You&rsquo;re exposing your legs&rsquo;, &lsquo;You&rsquo;re covering your head&rsquo;, &lsquo;Eat now&rsquo;, &lsquo;Don&rsquo;t eat now&rsquo;, &lsquo;Don&rsquo;t eat today&rsquo;&mdash;I&rsquo;m so done with this relentless patriarchy. This humourless sanctimoniousness!&rdquo; (Thump of table)
&ldquo;What do you mean by, &lsquo;Eat now, don&rsquo;t eat now&rsquo;?&rdquo; I asked.
&ldquo;Dude&hellip; tell me that Karva Chauth in this day and age, is outdated. Why should one have to fast for the longevity of their husbands?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Why shouldn&rsquo;t they?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Husbands should just do a quick daily 90-minute workout, instead of making their spouses fast for a day. Better for longevity, I say, and no one suffers.&rdquo;
&lsquo;These are ancient Indian customs,&rdquo; I attempted.
&ldquo;Dude, tradition has no place in the Millenial age... cappeesh? These are one-sided customs&hellip; created to make a woman suffer by chauvinistic men. Name me one custom created in our favour?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bhai Dooj.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bruh, even on this day, &nbsp;I have to be the hard working one making his favourite dishes, praying for the long life of my brother, my asshole bro-in-law insists that my sister make him dinner after a whole day of fasting. Shouldn&rsquo;t men also pray for our long life, dude? I tell you, patriarchy is in our DNA.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Hmmmm,&rdquo; I said.
&ldquo;Rahul bruh, this dude I was dating, has the cheek to tell me &lsquo;I appreciate you observing Karva Chauth for me, even though we aren&rsquo;t married&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Why did he think that?&rdquo; I asked, fascinated.
&ldquo;(Eyes twinkling) Bruh! I&rsquo;m on a new diet, it&rsquo;s called Intermittent fasting. The moron mistook my intermittent fasting, thinking I was fasting for him!&rdquo; (Pause)
&ldquo;Basically my philosophy to most men is W.O.M.E.N,&rdquo; Nats said, spelling out the word.
&ldquo;WOMEN... uhm does that stand for something?&rdquo; I asked surprised.
&ldquo;Yeah WOMEN spells out - We&rsquo;re Over (your) Misogynistic Endless Nonsense!&rdquo;
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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I popped out to confirm she was home safely, only to see her decked up to go out

Nats and the uncle brigade

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