It was very weird when Papa—S Rammohan—passed away in 2012. We just celebrated his 95th birth anniversary last week. I was then attending the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF). My sister, Akku, gently broke the news that Papa had passed away. One moment he was having tea in the evening, and the next moment, he was gone. As soon as I was able to absorb the shock, I wanted to take the next flight home. Akku called back to say no need to rush: Papa had wanted his body donated to medical science, and when they called JJ Hospital, they said they needed to remove the body as soon as possible, and Amma had agreed, so he would not be there when I returned home.

The next day I was scheduled to moderate a discussion on "Bollywood and the Independents" at TIFF's Asian Film Summit, with Mira Nair, Guneet Monga, Dibakar Banerjee, Nina Lath Gupta (ex-NFDC) and Shailja Gupta. I was deeply troubled. There was only one way to decide: what would Papa have wanted me to do? So, I went ahead with the discussion. When I see Getty photos of the event on Google, brightly engaging with the panelists, I'm astonished I could switch off one part of my brain and heart, and function normally like a professional moderator. When I got on the plane that night, I collapsed from the pent-up grief.