Poppy: Happy Doggie Diwali to everybody

Dear Supreme Court Thank you You have proved yourself to be mans best friends best friend These past few weeks had filled me with terror as I overheard my adopted humans talk of the impending Diwali Our alpha Aditya was henpecked I might add when Mrs Alpha demanded to know if he liked his new clothes Diwali or diwala he muttered when we went out for my walk I asked him what he meant but he said Stop barking Poppy Then he apologised for quoting many an abusive BJP troll WhateverProtesters set off firecrackers in New Delhi on Friday to express their opposition to the Supreme Courts ban on the sale of crackers in the capital PicAFPAs I was saying thank you your lordships for banning the sale of fireworks in Delhi and its suburbs I live in one suburb Gurgaon but have never been to Delhi because Aditya never takes me on the Metro He says dogs are not allowed Youd think its still the colonial era I am by birth a Mumbai girl We used to live in Sewri and thinking of home reminds me of my siblings and mom and makes me want to howl at a highrise building Hence I request you ban fireworks in Mumbai as wellI heard Mrs Alpha saying Whatay relief that fireworks are banned because now the air would not be poisonous but instead fresh and crisp the morning after Diwali Frankly though I have 300 million olfactory receptors in my nose compared to the six million in a human nose and though I can detect some odours in parts per trillion with the result that I devote 40 per cent more of my brain to smell than humans do the fact is this Im so relieved the explosions are over that the acrid smell the next morning is nothing more unusual than sniffing another dogs buttSome American scientists say the chemical fumes of exploding fireworks also stress us dogs out but I think those eggheads are barking up the wrong tree I confess however that the burnt smell reminds me of another meal gone waste I dont mind burnt toast I even fantasise about sneaking into the kitchen and messing with the toasters settings If only I had opposable thumbs Oh wellIn any case the smell is a trifling compared to the noise I cant convery to your lordships how rabid I feel when the fireworks commence on Diwali evening Hiding under the bed is of no use There is no escaping the explosions When my adopted older sister Cuddles was alive she died in April of tick fever poor old girl and Ive never seen the Alpha weep so much Diwali was the only time we would hide under the same bed I guess humans are onto something when they say politics makes strange bedfellowsI suspect we doggies hear fireworks more intensely than humans After all humans can only hear up to 20000 Hertz while we hear upto 60000 Hz Also Ive got 18 muscles in each ear flap more than Mrs Alphas stupid cat who keeps slapping me in the face hes only got 17 muscles in each of his twitching ears I cant but tremble like a leaf during those threefour hours of fireworks I often drool as well Cuddles used to bark at each explosion thinking it was terrorism not unlike our uberpatriotic business class fliersWe would refuse to go for the evening walk because of the fireworks Even a distant explosion was terrifying Who knew how suddenly it might arrive The worst is that just when the fireworks seem over for the night some neighbourhood bully will light a string of 5000 or 10000 crackers that burst for five to ten minutes And they plan it for midnight or worse after midnight just to mess with everyones peace of mind No wonder even the mangiest street dogs are scared to hell on Diwali The toughest breeds too Ive heard of the Alsatian who got so panicky during Diwali fireworks that he snapped his leash and ran away from home never to be heard of again Or perhaps thats just an urban legendYour lordships I know that even though our Great Leader said he felt sad when a puppy came under a cars wheels he wasnt really talking about puppies and thus hes actually not a doglover I suspect that like many overdressed karva chauthcelebrating aunties in my neighbourhood he hates dogs I also know that when people say the country has gone to the dogs they dont really mean it because frankly dogs would never demonetise without several barks in advance We are not bound to any dogma Call it doggerel but it comes as a relief that Indias highest court has taken up cudgels on our and the environments behalf With that your lordships Happy DiwaliWoof woof PoppyPoppy has lived for five years with Aditya Sinha a writer and journalist living in a suburb of Delhi He tweets autumnshade Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom