Illustration/Uday Mohite

So, Emperor Shah Jahan called up the other day. "Yo janaab, sup?" he announced "Hey Shah Jahan, kahan hai aap, it's been centuries since we last met," I quipped. But the fifth Mughal emperor was in no mood for humour. "Okay Shah Jahaan ko gussa kyon aata hai?" I enquired more respectfully. "Bro, I'm fully fed up. Just you try building a palace, that takes 20 years to construct, for a wife who has a view point on everything, where the walk-in closets should be, where the gym should be situated. We should have gone to Chor Bazaar for cheaper marble. As you know, we have seven children, so each room has to be designed separately. Our third son is a Blade Runner freak, so his room should have a 2049 vibe; our daughter is a throwback to Miley Cyrus; my Begum met Preity Zinta at a kitty party, so she wants to start an IPL team called the Mumtaz Marauders. Then the AMC (Agra Municipal Commissioner) won't give me FSI so I cannot build another dome on the present dome. And, now all these centuries later, they're questioning if the Taj Mahal is part of our culture. More importantly, they are saying that the property is on stolen land — are they calling me a land grabber? Me, the finest Indian architects, after Charles Correa? Peeps are comparing me to Mumbai land sharks?"