Rahul Da Cunha: The good, the brand, and the incredible!

So we Indians have been brainwashed into believing the British stole much from us I mean they did give us the English language locomotive networks and law courts but by and large they looted and left us independent of a lot of our treasures mdash diamonds statues artefacts swords and Freddie Mercury Plus therersquos the Kohinoor heera I always thought it was an act of chori But now the government coolly announces that we gifted it to themIllustration Uday MohiteHuh Means what When it comes to modern politics we all know what lsquogiftingrsquo means So Irsquom thoda sceptical ok Also after so many years why this revelationAnd then Irsquom saying if we seek to get the Kohinoor diamond back I want that other gem the Kingfisher lsquojewelrsquo returned from London Along with those Rs 9000 croreTalking about foreigners coming to India therersquos the other issue of brand ambassadorship for lsquoIncredible Indiarsquo mdash Aamir Khan lost his lsquomascotshiprsquo after his intolerance comment Though he is now brand ambassador for lsquoDroughtfree Maharashtrarsquo it was a toss up between him and Pankaja Munde but that lsquooffensive selfiersquo lost it for her So what exactly is the brand ambassasor for this sort of natural calamity meant to do Irsquom wonderingOne Incredible India spokesman told me ldquoAamirji will go to all the villages wearing his Lagaan outfit and will be singing lsquoGhanana ghanan ghir ghir aaye baderarsquo Then we are confident that rain will comerdquoTheyrsquore having second thoughts about Amitabh Bachchan as brand spokesperson with the Panama Papers chakkar Salman obviously will be bypassed considering he has American bakeries and black bucks behind him Hrithik insulted the Pope so 100 per cent thatrsquos a no no Akshay Kumar could at the most be Brand Ambassador of GurugramOf course just when I thought lsquoIncredible Chauvinist Indiarsquo will never select a lady I hear Priyanka Chopra is in the running And definitely now that shersquos one of Time Magazinersquos lsquo100 Most Influential Peoplersquo See herersquos my two paise worth mdash PeeCee is a fine Hindi film actress but itrsquos all gone pear shaped since she went westwards And if she canrsquot convince me that she is a CIA agent rooting out Middle Eastern sleeper cells mdash how will she convince tourists to come to a holiday destination like IndiaAnd of course therersquos SRK With the amount of locations hersquos shot in over the years Irsquod say hersquod be better suited for brand ambassadorship of Incredible Switzerland or Incredible DrubovnikSo my second bout of two paise worth mdash Irsquove never been a fan of SRK though I think itrsquos remarkable that hersquos a had a 25year run in Bollywood But RaOne Dilwale and now Fan you kind of sense hersquos out of form so to speak Critics commentators the common man no one has the chutzpah to tell him lsquoBoss yoursquore done with this avatar of the quivering mouth and six emotions Either gracefully retire or stop serenading girls young enough to be your daughter or just play older rolesrsquo mdash man if in cricket the world and his mother are recommending that MS Dhoni retire then why not the Badshah from films I mean how many more lsquoFansrsquo can the fans acceptIf cricketers can retire then why not cine stars mdash maybe even retire from Bollywood and become Brand Ambassadors of Incredible IndiaRahul da Cunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunha62gmailcom