Rosalyn D'Mello: It's up to us to beat double standards

Sometimes distraction works like alternative therapy when it comes to relieving oneself of the bitter aftertaste of the patriarchal enterprise To take a mental timeout from the sordid details of the Harvey Weinstein case and yet another court ruling I learned about where the moral of the story in a nutshell was that a womans feeble no amounted to a yes I decided to return to a series I had fondish memories of from my adolescence Ally McBeal Id by now forgotten about the antics of the titular character a Bostonbased lawyer two years shy of 30 living with her sassy District Attorney roommate the feisty AfricanAmerican Renee But because I was really still a teenager when the show aired on cable TV Id quite forgotten its feminist pretext and so rewatching it is a wondrous experienceI was really still a teenager when Ally McBeal aired on cable TV Id quite forgotten its feminist pretext and so rewatching it is a wondrous experienceThere was one specific piece of dialogue that stood out for me I cant now remember the entire context but it had to do with something misogynist and Renee says to Ally Its the same thing Ally retorts Were women we have double standards to live up to There are many precious instances of clever feminist repartee in the show but this one about double standards is one Ive been turning over in my head the last couple of days as I think a bit more about the feminist movement and how sometimes good intentions on the part of a well meaning few can jeopardize the integrity of the cause Its too easy to think that the shows writer David Kelly is suggesting that women have to live up to the double standards that men have propagated for centuries through the institution of patriarchy But I actually have dared myself to think that what Ally is tacitly implying is that because women have been subject to double standards systematically over time we need to in fact be better That being a feminist means not only exposing gender bias but consciously not endorsing bias eitherI believe this is connected to another brilliant episode when Ally finally decides to visit her colleague John Cages therapist who offers her a brilliant mechanism for coping with moments when her selfesteem either is taking a dive or she feels truly vulnerable and even weak Find your theme song her therapist Tracy instructs her Later when Ally and her gang are out at the bar where Vonda Shepherd sings the therapist subtly tells Ally and Georgia the wife of her former lover Billy about womens folly in constantly taking for granted that it is not a level playing field for women that sometimes its better to radically believe it can indeed be a womans world Its also related to Michelle Obamas deliciously snide motto a rebuttal of sorts to the misogynistic nature of Trumps campaign When they go low we go highIve never been one for selfrighteousness I grew up around many people who truly believed that going to church every day genuinely made them better than everyone else and relieved them of any culpability when it came to practising their humanity or even the basic tenet of Christianity which is to love thy neighbour as yourself But I think young feminists like me need to really spend time examining how we practice feminism as a calling and an identity and what it means to claim the moral high ground I am very clear that I dont want to be seen as equal to a man what I want are the same rights and dignity that men have historically been entitled toI dont want to live my life aspiring to be seen as capable of doing the same job as a man I want to be betterhellip I want to claim for myself the opportunities that men are entitled to but not so I can be either equal to or superior to men I want it so I can be the best version of myself And in this process of demanding equality of rights or revealing the endemic biases that women have been subjected to I want to not fall into or resort to the same tactics that have formed the basis of my oppression I do not want to shame men into decency nor do I want to threaten them into submission by fear of procedural punishment I genuinely believe in the potency of dialogue and also that men are not the enemy patriarchy is And while the personal is deeply political in my writing I also dont want to take things so personally that I keep replaying the role of victim over and over again in the process belittling the plight of actual victims of sexual oppression and simultaneously functioning from a position of constant weaknessAs feminists we must be very careful not to fall into the trap of double standards We must be conscientious We who have historically been targeted by biased legislation must be cautious not to abuse the laws we have fought to have restructured in our favour We must not cry wolf We must not undermine the efforts of all the women who have fought for the liberties we now enjoy It may seem problematic to be compelled to claim the moral high ground as a de facto extension of being feminist but we must remember that the cause is bigger than our own selfinterestsDeliberating on the life and times of Everywoman Rosalyn DMello is a reputable art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover She tweets RosaParx Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom