Six Feet Anonymous

The Hug and the Handshake came together to begin a support group called Six Feet AnonymousPresent at the first meeting and sitting in a circle were two distinct groupsthe Be Your Own Body BYOB comprising Mr Hug Mr Embrace Miss Cuddle and all their variations And the Arm Aadmi Pack AAP consisting of Shri Handshake and all the sub genres like Shri Sweaty Palms Shri Bonecrusher and Kumari Limp HandshakeMr Hug spoke firstldquoFriends and fellow sufferers these are tough times with this pandemic This lsquokeeping six feet distancersquo rule has killed our livelihood People arenrsquot hugging barely touching and even in Mumbai city where everyone flouts rules the lsquoaa gale lag jarsquo has gone out of the windowrdquoldquoYesrdquo agreed Mr Embrace heaving uncontrollably ldquoMr Hug and I are badly off but it is our adopted brother Bear Hug who has it the worstrdquoldquoYes Irsquom suffering No onersquos hugging tightlyrdquo Bear Hug whisperedThe Side Hug looking through his beedy eyes muttered sneeringly ldquoHey man Bear Hug forget the selfpity if yoursquore so desperate for affection just hug yourself duderdquoMiss Cuddle snapped at him ldquoYoursquore so alpha male you sidey Side Hug Typical of your male species no emotion these halfcocked non fullon non fronton huggers Too macho to show real feeling unlike us womenrdquoThe Handshake Brigade sat quietly pissed off but silent listening to their touchyfeeley brethrenMr Hug sensing this negative energy asked his ally ldquoBro Handshake apologies What are your major hurdles please wersquod love to hear from yourdquoThe Handshake breathing fire and brimstone snarled ldquoOur Enemy Number 1 is that damn Fist Bump with his ridiculously cocky knuckle to knuckle gesture He struts around shows off his own Insta page called FistToLast he has 20 million followers on his YouTube Channel His knuckle to knuckle movement irritates me itrsquos so impersonal and workmanlike I hate his gutsrdquoMiss Cuddle blushed ldquoIrsquom sorry sir I find Fist Bump kinda cool for us young people That knuckle bump itrsquos friendly without being familiar and itrsquos so hip A fist bump is so lsquoYeah dude this is our secret languagersquo For us young women itrsquos sexy toordquoAt this point rsquoCreeprsquo Sleazy Feelup crept into the room all the females leapt to one side en masseldquoAh here he is the black mark of our communityrdquo The Bonecrusher announcedldquoWhere have you beenrdquo his aunt Miss Limp Handshake enquiredSleazy Feelup complained ldquoMan with this nonsense sixfoot distance rule one canrsquot sidle up close to lsquofeel uprsquo womenrsquo Plus with the local trains still not plying how much waiting will I have to do my hands have been so idlerdquoldquoYou are a disgrace to our familyrdquo Sweaty Palms said accusinglyldquoYa right man with those sweaty clammy palms of yours have you noticed people donrsquot shake your handsrdquo Sleazy Feelup shot backldquoI donrsquot know where this anger comes from did you have a tough childhood Your mom never hugged you enough thatrsquos why you lsquofeel uprsquo unsuspecting women in trains to vent your frustrationsrdquo Sweaty Palms retortedldquoThink we need to chill guys and galsrdquo the Hug and the Handshake said in unisonThe room went silent as both sets of groups contemplated their bleak futuresAnd then a new group came in through the door and sat downldquoWho are you folksrdquo the Handshake askedldquoWersquore COVIDrdquo the leader saidldquoCOVID as in obviously Corona Virus Diseaserdquo the Hug enquiredldquoNo COVID as in Coping with Vulnerability Isolation amp DepressionrdquoRahul daCunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom