I was back in frenetic Mumbai after a trip out of the country. I got off the flight and took in a breath of the city’s familiar, polluted air. I mean how much fresh air can one man inhale in a foreign country, na? I had barely exhaled when suddenly, out of nowhere, a mask was slapped around my mouth.

“There is a ban on breathing”, a voice behind me barked, “You are not allowed to take breaths in the country anymore. There is a nationwide diktat by the organisation KHAASI — which stands for, ‘Kyuki Hindustaan Mein Saas Lena Illegal.”