‘FB is dead to us. We use Insta, Snapchat, Discord’

Last year, a game of online truth and dare took a 14-year-old girl to the police station. After befriending an unknown user on Instagram, the Mumbai teen started playing a 2022 version of truth and dare. You can either choose to tell the truth, or perform a difficult task. Back in the 1990s, the dare consisted of something silly, like walking up to a crush in school and asking for the time; in 2022, dares involve stripping on video via Instagram direct message. The boy took a screen recording of the video, and then started blackmailing the girl for more videos, threatening to leak the clip. After she filed a complaint, investigators found that the boy was a 13-year-old from her own school. This is just one of the many risqué games that teenagers indulge in on Instagram and Snapchat. And it all happens on a second accountan alternative account, where they live out their secret social media life, away from the prying eyes of parents, relatives, teachers or any known entities. This is the world of Finstas. While Rinsta is the real Instagram account for a wider audience that includes family, Finsta is for friends only or is a fake Instagram, often referred to as a spam account. And the Internet is flooded with them. A 2021 study commissioned by the National Commission for Protection of Child Rights showed that 30 per cent of children from the age of 10 to 18 had access to a smartphone, and 94 per cent of them were using it to access the Internet. According to database company Statista, there are 126 million Snapchat users in India, and 230 million Instagram users. Out of these, teens and adolescents in the age group of 13-19 years constitute 31 per cent, many of whom are even using it at school. A report released in 2019 by Common Sense Media said that teenagers spend an average of seven hours and 22 minutes on their phones daily. A 14-year-old who spoke with this writer anonymously and who attends an IB school in the city, tells us that all her friends and classmates have a second account. Most of their parents dont know it even exists, she says, adding that on her own second account, she has only around 20-30 followers, most of whom she knows as close friends, and some who are friends of close friends. Facebook is dead to us. We mainly use Instagram, Snapchat and Discord. I dont think social media affects teenagers; its just the society and world we are growing up in. This is normal to us, and one must understand that there is a generational gap. What may be wrong for my parents, is not wrong for me. Isha Thakkar, 19, says that at 16, the pressure to be cool starts building, up and then second Instagram accounts become a norm. Pic/Anurag Ahire But, what do they post on these second accounts? We mostly post stuff that doesnt make sense, says the 14-year-old; these posts are often referred to as spam. Its also other things that teens today consider normaldrinking, revealing mirror selfies, wild parties, and public displays of affection with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Isha Thakkar says that she has a second account, just because she cant bear being judged. My mother and I are friends, so she knows what I put up, but relatives judge youwhat is she wearing? Who is she with? says 19-year-old, who is a student of Bachelors of Mass Media. Thakkar tells us that most teens chat via Snapchat, where the notifications dont show up on the phone screen. Everyone is mature enough to know what they are doing. At 16, the pressure to be ‘cool starts building. And many feel that at college, they can do as they please. I have many friends who share revealing photographs as well. We just dont want to be judged. Nehha Sharma, mother to a 14-year-old, and a Montessori educator, tells us about the recent chaos at one of the schools she works in. Since kids have phones at school, they started taking selfies in the bathrooms, and those were put on these second accounts. When one of the mothers chanced upon her childs account, she informed the school, and a phone raid was conducted. Almost 75 per cent of the kids had their phones confiscated, says Sharma. Her own daughter has three accountsone which is open to family, one for her art, and one for friends only. But I know about all of them. I do ask her to open up her account now and then. I have kept the communication open. I have told her what I find uncomfortable, and she listens. I choose my battles with her, and she does the same, says the 43-year-old, who also signed her daughter up for cyber safety classes. She was told during that seminar that whatever is put once online, even as a joke, stays online. So giving her information helped. Even on Discord, where she is part of a Marvel group, her DP is a sketch of herself. As parents, we have to learn to panic less, and instead work with our kids. Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava, Nehha Sharma, Alina Namazi and Nirali Bhatia In the times that we live in, where instant gratification is the highest high, children can easily get lost in the vast world of social media, where there are no rules or regulations. The likes, followers, and attention they get may be feeding their insecurities, which are built due to volatile home environments or childhood trauma. Additionally, teenagers are more susceptible to peer pressure, cyber-bullying and other challenges in the online world, which makes them lose self-esteem and feel isolated. Did you know that the new selfie is the one where you never show your face, but show everything else? says Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava, the author of Stoned, Shamed, Depressed: An Explosive Account of the Secret Lives of Indias Teens, and mother to a teenage daughter. I have seen some of these accounts because of my daughter and I find myself getting shocked. There are wild parties in the pool, very revealing clothes, drinking, and flasks of alcohol. The only way you can tell your child what is wrong, is by drilling it in. It works only if you have got hold of your child before you let them out, says Bhargava, who gave her daughter a smartphone in December 2021, when she turned 13. She tells this writer that her daughter was the last in the friends circle to get a phone. If anything is going wrong, and the children are hiding it, I blame the parents. Where are you? What are you doing? How dont you know whats happening?A lot does seem to be going wrong, and the second accounts are the hotbeds of crime, harassment and pornography, says Ritesh Bhatia, cyber crime specialist and founder of V4WEB Cybersecurity. There are three myths on the Internettrust, anonymity and privacy, he says, adding that young girls are the most vulnerable, because of the kind of pictures they are posting on these accounts. They expose their chests, upper thighs in these selfies, as it gets them more followers, and likes, and an instant hit. Bhatia says that parents and school authorities always tend to react impulsively and never sit down and talk to their children. He goes on to explain that most children online are only trying to win the popularity contest. They all want to be prettier and cooler. And thats why they are on display, says Bhatia, adding that revenge porn and cyber sex has increased. Teens as young as 12-13 years of age are exchanging nudes from these second accounts. They are playing truth and dare, and stripping. They also indulge in cyber sex, where they both masturbate on camera. There are d*** picks, pictures of the vagina and breasts, and videos. What children are not aware of is that once its online, it lasts forever. Once a child came to me and said, ‘but I deleted the picture! I did a Google reverse image search [it helps you quickly discover visually similar images from around the web] and showed her that it already existed in 50 other places. Children and parents need to be constantly made aware of whats happening. A seminar a year isnt going to cut it. According to Nirali Bhatia, cyber psychologist and psychotherapist, and founder of Cyber B.A.A.P, (Cyberbullying Awareness Action Prevention), such accounts make teenagers vulnerable to the large number of paedophiles that stalk the net. The primitive needs of a human being are food, sex and shelter [feeling secure, loved and safe]. At this young age, the teenagers need for attention is very high. The need to feel accepted by their peers. This is why they fall prey to crimes and paedophiles when they accept requests by strangers who they think make them feel respected, not judged and safe. Bhatia talks of cases where 13-year-olds were groomed by paedophiles, who invested in the childs lives, by messaging them, complimenting them, and slowly building their trust. Later, this person moves on to asking for nudes, and then full blown cyber sex. Teens as young as 13 have lost their virginity on Instagram, when they have been instructed to touch themselves. As part of her online safety workshops, Bhatia reminds teenagers how sharing a picture online is akin to putting it up on a billboard outside their house. I then ask them to act accordingly. Most children do it to feel loved, and if they get it from the right source, which is their parents, they will be more inclined to not behave erratically on their second accounts. In extreme cases, it leads to trafficking, extortion, and blackmail. I talk to them about realising their responsibility for themselves. You need to educate them. Influencer Alina Namazi, 17, learned the hard way, when last year her account was shut down for objectionable content. Namazi had been a victim of hackers who are paid to sabotage accounts. Today, Namazi is smarter. I only post very clean content, either on my real account or my friends-only account. I also tell my followers to do the same. We need to be cautious, for our own sake. I agree with what cyber experts saythere is no such thing as privacy.