What men want

Two things happened this week Ranveer Singh and Steven Wolfe aka Johnny Sins came together in a commercial for male sexual wellness and a newly married woman passed away after her husband allegedly brutalised her under the influence of a performance enhancement drug on their first night togetherWhile both examples may be poles apart in terms of gravity they did spark sustained and aggressive conversations on the subject of male pleasuremdashhow glamourised and pertinent it is made to be and conversely how much shame and secrecy surrounds male sexual health Any problems with male sexual health are mocked and not investigatedmdashIs it caused by stress Underlying health issues History of sexual violence Trauma Nutritional deficiencies Lack of emotional well beingAashish Mehrotra cofounder of sexual wellness and pleasure start up The Sangya Project says that even talking about using a stroker or a libido enhancer attracts vicious trolling from men and women alikeThe commercial starring Sins an American adult film actordirectorYouTuber and the unapologetically uninhibited Singh has gone viral since The superstar subsequently revealed that he is cofounder at Bold Care the brand featured in the ad It has been a player in menrsquos sexual health industry since 2019 with products such as condoms lubes endurance enhancers and performance boosters It was originally founded by Rajat Jadhav Rahul Krishnan and Mohit Yadav with Singh coming on board in 2022The sexual wellness market in India has attracted significant funding in recent years According to Crunchbase data in 2021 the market attracted R10 crore in funding The largest funding round was raised by Manforce which raised R5 crore According to data compiled by multiple analysts the sexual wellness market in India is expected to reach R209 crore by 2030 Experts found that existing brands not only offer a wide range of sexual wellness products and services including condoms lubricants sex toys and lingerie but also offer educational resources and information about sexual health and wellnessCasting American adult film star Johnny Sins was easier than keeping his involvement under wraps Bold Carersquos cofounder says right Actor Ranveer Singh officially became part of Bold Care last year The start up was founded by from left Rajat Jadhav Rahul Krishnan and Mohit Yadav in 2019The ad crucially positions the porn star as a husband with an erectile problem an unhappy wife leaving him and Singh playing an advicegiving elder It nestles this in a jointfamily living room with all members present hinting how it could splinter the great happy Indian joint familyldquoA conversation with a friend who works with Singhrsquos team led to the collaborationrdquo Jadhav tells midday over a video call ldquoWe met Ranveer for a supposedly 30minute conversation but it lasted much longerrdquo The last few days have been a whirlwind Jadhav points to his unkempt hair and overgrown beard as testamentToofan a stroker with a ribbed interior by Leeza Mangaldasrsquo brand Leezus Pic CourtesyLeezus Loop a penis ring with a ribbed bottom by My Muse pleasures both partners during intercourse Pic courtesyMy Muse Bold Carersquos Xtend sprays that help men last longer in bed Pic CourtesyBold CareldquoThe idea just materialised at 2 am while we were brainstorming late last yearrdquo he laughs ldquoWe all loved it instantly We contacted Sins who was surprisingly easy to get on board The harder part was keeping his involvement under wrapsrdquoHe goes on to add something that is indicative of the larger issue around menrsquos sexual health and pleasure While shooting for the ad Sins told Jadhav that the largest demographic that recognises him anywhere in the world is the Indian man ldquoHe told me he was once in Paris when a group of Indian male tourists recognised himrdquo says JadhavThis 43yearold Mumbai resident is a regular user of a libido enhancer and a vibrating stroker With small but steady steps like creative commercials and increased social media posts around male sexual health men are slowly trying to break free of the taboo surrounding the S word PicAnurag AhireStakeholders rue the fact that most Indian men learn about sex not from the nearly nonexistent formal sex education but from pornography As a result wrong and harmful information is assimilated about size performance and consequences which is being said to be the case with the UP man According to news reports the man ldquoconfessed to having wild sexrdquo with his spouse after popping a performance enhancing pill leading to injuries that were more consistent with a gang rape than with a night of intense passion The injuries to her tender areas led to an infection and the woman died seven days after she was admitted to a private nursing home in KanpurMale sexuality is not exempt from complications under a patriarchal society One may argue that masculine pleasure is given the reams of in lifestyle magazines and the heft of medical research but male sexual wellness is underlined by shame and toxic masculinityldquoWhen a woman talks about using a vibratorrdquo says Aashish Mehrotra cofounder of The Sangya Project ldquoit is empowering and positive When a man talks about using a stroker or a fleshlight he is emasculated by men and women alike When I first started sharing Reels about using pleasure products people would comment saying I was unable to get a woman to have sex with me I am part of a throuple and have not one but two partnersrdquo He adds that the only way you can get away with being a man who talks about sex is if you are overly aggressive personldquoBeing soft pun intended wonrsquot get you anywhererdquo he says ldquoIf you ask a question about increasing your libido you will be lambasted for it This leads to guilt Even if you are using a libido enhancer if yoursquore feeling guilty about it it will have a negative impact on your mental healthrdquoThe connection between sexual and mental health is something that Jadhav too discovered in the initial years of Bold Care Back when they first started they had a skeletal staff and did everything themselves including fielding customer care calls During this period they spoke to hundreds of men and the insights they gleaned formed the basis of their future strategyldquoI remember this one man who was in his late thirtiesrdquo Jadhav recalls ldquoHe told me he had a steady relationship and healthy sexual life with his girlfriend when he was in college Then they broke up and went their separate ways he started working and eventually got married After marriage however he found that he wasnrsquot performing in bed as well as he used to in college It got so bad that he started inventing reasons to stay at work as late as he could so that he could just say he was tired after he reached home and avoid sexrdquoThe taboo Jadhav says is systemic He recalls how they were unable to get third party services such as delivery or other logistics to align with them due to the nature of their work Mehrotra concurs ldquoWhen we started Sangya two years ago we couldnrsquot onboard a single Ewallet or UPI service for our customers to pay withrdquo he saysIronically the taboo has given rise to enhanced privacy among brands Deliveries are always discreetmdashthe packaging does not announce what lies withinmdashand all customer data is always kept ultrasafeldquoWe do not share our data with a single agency even for business purposesrdquo says Jadhav ldquoWe have an inhouse marketing team and only our own employees access data like consumer experiences As a result we have been able to create a safe space for men to talk about their issues related to sexual wellness and pleasure They are willing to share their most private secrets when it comes to sex and we use this to try and make our products betterrdquoAnd it seems to be working midday spoke to a 43yearold man who has been using libido boosters and a vibrator for several years ldquoAt my agerdquo says the north Mumbai based entrepreneur matteroffactly ldquoI need libido boosters and I donrsquot see any point in pretending otherwise I tried several brands before settling on the one I use right now and I did that because this brand was more open about the subject of sex which automatically makes me feel safer and more inclined to trust themrdquoHe adds that he like 80 to 90 per cent of the men around him learned about sex from other men and not from authoritative and authentic sources ldquoWe are still used to thinking of sex in terms of trees and flowersrdquo he saysThe taboo around the subject also affects the people around the suffering man A 30yearold woman shares her experience with an exboyfriend who had sustained erectile dysfunction due to sexual violence in childhood ldquoIntimacy was simply never normal with him and it is a fallacy that an erection is only meant for the manrsquos pleasure It satisfies the woman as much as the man Forget an intimacy expert my ex wouldnrsquot even see a doctor for itrdquo she recallsHowever it is changing a bit Late last year sexuality educator and author Leeza Mangaldas shared a screenshot on her Instagram Story of a message she had received from a man He had described how his girlfriend shared one of Mangaldasrsquo productsmdashPyaari a personal massager with suctionmdashwith him The man described how much he loved it and how it helped him discover his own sexuality Mangaldas expressed delight at the fact that a man had found pleasure in a product designed for a womanThe overarching taboo however also means that there is little market research about the industry None of the brands midday spoke to could name any independent research reports specifically focusing on male sexual wellness and pleasure All of their research comes from feedback and interviews with their customers and the stories shared by sex positive people who write in to talk about their lived experience and what they would want to see highlighted in social media posts or blogsldquoIn totality the sexual wellness market in India for all genders is an eightbilliondollar market globally and worth around Rs 100 crore in India right nowrdquo says Karun Arya Chief Marketing Office GetVantage The finance and growth platform has invested in several startups over the yearsldquoExperts project this market to increase to Rs 200 crore by 2030 with a six per cent yearonyear growthrdquo says Arya proudly adding that GetVantage was the first to invest in Bold Care in 2020 ldquoThe reason is not just the fact that more people are trying to break free of the taboo surrounding the subject but also that smartphones and the Internet are available to more today Effectively this means that people have access not just to information about their problems but alsoto solutionsrdquoArya agrees that there is scant focused research around male sexual wellness but sees this more as an opportunity than a hindrance ldquoThe industry itself is still youngrdquo he says ldquoPeople are waking up to it and I am sure that as time passes it will become even more mainstream As more data becomes available there will be research and analysis too Is it shrouded in taboo Very much so But this was also the case with mental health 10 years ago and look wherewe are todayrdquoRs 173 bnFigure Indiarsquos sexual health market is predicted to touch by 2030 according to analysts