I don’t know if this makes much sense, but I feel as if my boyfriend’s best friend is subconsciously trying to ruin our relationship. He is always around when we are trying to have some time together, has completely different views from mine and tells my boyfriend to take his side, and generally gets in the way of my boyfriend and me connecting in a meaningful manner. I don’t think he’s doing this on purpose because he claims to like me, but I think there’s a subconscious effort to break us apart because he hates the idea of losing his friend to me. I don’t know how to bring this up with my boyfriend because he obviously loves and cares about his friend, but it’s increasingly hard for me to tolerate his friend’s presence and I am afraid this will have an adverse impact on the future of my relationship.
Your boyfriend has a different relationship with you and his friend. They are meant to be mutually exclusive and if that isn’t happening, you can and should call it out. If you are uncomfortable with someone’s presence, the onus of fixing this is on your boyfriend because he is the one introducing this person into both your lives. Tell him why this is bothering you, try and be clear about how you feel, and ask him to look at this from your perspective. If he can’t empathise and doesn’t want to draw boundaries, you have to explain why this will make things harder for you both. If he wants this relationship to work as much as you do, this will have to be a challenge that needs to be navigated. It won’t be as tricky as it sounds if you are both able to understand where the other is coming from. Think of it as a test of how you communicate and how you both set priorities for each other. Your boyfriend should also be able to speak to his friend and change how they meet or communicate.

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