My mother recently tried setting me up with a family friend’s daughter, saying she would be a great match for me because we have a lot in common. I went along with it and met the girl, because I intend to marry and am okay with my mother’s choices. My father passed away when I was a child and she has cared for me since then, so I trust her. The girl and I didn’t get along at all though. We have different opinions, and the only thing that works in her favour is that her parents have known my mother since they were all young. I tried telling my mother that this wasn’t going to work, and she has been upset with me. She says I am betraying her trust and that I don’t want her to be happy. I understand why she would love it if I were to marry into her friend’s family, but I have my own ideas about a life partner, too. How do I get her to see this?
Have you tried explaining why you don’t see eye-to-eye with the girl she has in mind? She has her own ideas about her family, based on a long friendship, but has to understand that a child doesn’t necessarily represent the parents, which is also why you have a mind of your own. The idea of equating you not marrying someone of her choice with a betrayal of trust is an example of emotional blackmail, because she wants you to be happy. She has your best interests at heart, and simply needs to get a better sense of what your own expectations are. Why aren’t you speaking to the girl about this too? She has her own opinion, and probably sees why this doesn’t make sense, so why aren’t you asking her to speak about it? Give your mother time to cool down and tell her that you are willing to try meeting this girl again, so she knows you aren’t being hasty.

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