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How do I start trusting again...

Updated on: 25 October,2022 08:04 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

How do I get over this and start the process of being able to relate to women again

How do I start trusting again...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 32-year old single guy and have not been in a relationship for five years. My ex-girlfriend hurt me a lot by breaking up with me and I have not had the confidence to meet anyone new since she left. I have tried speaking to women but always fail ato go beyond a meeting because I am nervous about how they may make me feel. I know this is irrational and I am worried about living alone for the rest of my life. My parents want me to consider an arranged marriage and I am open to the idea but that scares me too. How do I get over this and start the process of being able to relate to women again?
It’s perfectly okay to feel the way you do, because we all process the end of any significant relationship differently. If you haven’t been able to move on from that hurtful experience, it’s only because you’re not ready yet, not because there’s something wrong with you. Maybe the thing to do is not meet anyone with the intention of dating them or getting into a relationship. If you approach this from the perspective of making a new friend who happens to be female, it may allow you to appreciate them as people rather than potential partners. It also helps to speak with professionals who can help you understand the hurt you have experienced and teach you about coping mechanisms that can allow you to heal. Don’t give up.

My best friend wants me to end my relationship with my girlfriend because she said something insulting to him. I don’t want to end it because I love her. He may not be friends with me if I don’t though, because he may think I value her more than him. What should I do?
Meet them together, tell them why they are both important, ask them to sort this out like adults and let them know why losing either one of them is unfair to you.


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