By speaking up and being as clear as possible. If you aren’t comfortable, you shouldn’t meet this person. You shouldn’t be forced into anything out of politeness
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am 32 and my boyfriend is 34. We dated for four years and broke up a month ago. What surprises me is how I feel nothing after this relationship ended. I don’t miss him, and don’t think I lost anything by him not being in my life any longer. My friends always ask if I am okay, and it feels as if they expect me to be heartbroken, but I feel free more than anything else. It feels as if I was in some kind of situation I didn’t understand or felt okay with, and that I am finally in a good place even though it’s not as if I was unhappy for all these years. Is this a sign that there is something wrong with the way I look at relationships? I don’t want to feel as if I wasted all those years in something that was not right for me. If I don’t understand what happened, how will I be prepared for any relationship in the future?
First of all, if you’re happy, that is the only thing that matters. You can’t program yourself to feel something just because you think you should. Second, your relationship was meant to teach you something about yourself, and has, even if you don’t recognise it yet. If you don’t miss your ex, it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you, but because you have put that relationship behind you and decided to move on. It’s great to be able to do that, and to accept that people deal with the end of every relationship differently. I suggest you allow yourself time to be happy with what you have decided, leave the past alone, and use this time to think about what you want to do next.
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How should I tell someone I’m dating that I’m not exactly comfortable about his intentions?
By speaking up and being as clear as possible. If you aren’t comfortable, you shouldn’t meet this person. You shouldn’t be forced into anything out of politeness.
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