Think about why your marriage didn’t work out and ask yourself if it’s worth the effort to settle for something temporary
Illustration/Uday Mohite
How do I break up with my long-distance boyfriend without breaking his heart? He can’t function without me, but I can’t do this anymore and want to leave while I still have time to date other people.
The end of any relationship inadvertently causes pain, and to wish it away is naïve because you can’t control how your partner feels. If this isn’t working for you, and you don’t do anything about it, you are being unfair to yourself as well as him, and this can only lead to more anguish down the line. Be honest, talk about why you feel this way, and accept that he may be in pain for a while until he finds a way to cope. There are no shortcuts here.
My marriage ended almost three years ago, and I have not been able to find anyone since. It’s not as if I haven’t gone on dates or met people that my friends have set me up with, it just feels like none of them come close to what my ex-husband was like. I don’t regret the decision at all because the marriage wasn’t working, but I keep using him as a standard because he was an amazing person, and no one seems to match those qualities. Should I lower my expectations just to avoid loneliness?
There’s nothing wrong with standards because it tells you that you know what you want or need. If you can’t find someone to meet our expectations, it has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong, but more to do with the fact that it takes time and meeting a lot of people. Three years is a long time, so your loneliness and frustration are both understandable, but settling for something doesn’t solve the larger issue, which is the need for someone who genuinely understands you, and who is someone you really want to be with. Think about why your marriage didn’t work out and ask yourself if it’s worth the effort to settle for something temporary.
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