Sometimes, I feel sad online

Every day something bad happens These days teen girls are being harassed and molested all over this country of ours We get to see videos and photos Then we hear from all sides and then we ourselves give our two centsThen at night we feel overwhelmed by the truth by the reality by the possibility that now we have a frontrow seat to despair Then we wake up feeling a fistsized bubble in our chest mdash we feel anxious we feel sad we feel tiredI have realised that on those days I feel better only when I exit the app These days at night I have started keeping my phone in another room mdash so that I canrsquot scroll before bed So that at 3 am when I wake up thanks to the cortisol coursing in my system another fact that Instagram has told me I donrsquot reach for the phone So that when I wake up at 730 am for my workout I donrsquot look at it first thing and feel dread It helps It helps you disconnect from all thatrsquos happening all that could happen and all that never should have happened It makes sure that you donrsquot go into a spiral in the morning which will continue the whole day The day I spend less time on my phone is the day I make better decisions and I feel less wired less chaotic inside my headBut I am not saying we donrsquot need it A few weeks ago we saw what a social media protest accomplished A minister resigned a government was forced to take cognisance Even now itrsquos the awareness the opinions the protests by the lovely ladies of LSR that are making sure that the DelhiKalkaji gang rape that happened two days ago is not forgotten At least not so quicklyWe need it We fight for justice on it We create on it We express ourselves on it We rant on it We share stuff we find important on it We rage bait on it We doomscroll on it We heal on it We get educated on it We find community on it We get inspired on it We feel judged on it We love our lives on it But it also makes us feel too much mdash maybe things we canrsquot feel at this intensity all the time Itrsquos a sensory overload And itrsquos a spiral Imagine you are stalking an exlover Once you are done with his feed and scanning his followers you decide to stalk his family then his alleged girlfriend and then people he worked with Suddenly you find yourself on the account of a connection seven times removed zooming in on a photo to decipher if the hand in it belongs to your ex What It makes us lose any iota of selfrespect We feel noshame Some of us use it to troll Troll that lady who got the iPhone for free By the way I am with you on that we troll that male podcaster who asks nonsensical questions we troll anyone in a bikini shame on you we troll women we think are aunties shame on you twice we troll anyone whose lives donrsquot make sense to us make us feel bad about our lives and just because we canSo it can make us feel very good And it can make us feel very very bad Only thing we can do mdash get off it the moment we feel that anxiety bubble rising in our chest Exit the app and place it as far from you as you can Get up and go for a walk without your phone Go make a cup of coffee or tea Watch Friends for 20 minutes Go to sleep Lie down upside down on your bed with your feet up the wall Journal about things you are grateful for Journal about all the ways you are proud of yourself Soon the feeling of destruction and chaos will passThen when you do pick up your phone you wonrsquot doomscroll or stalk your ex or troll people You will look for the quotes reels and posts that inspire you mdash or like me you will watch a Venus retrograde tarot reading Itrsquos scary but itrsquos good for you Much like social mediaSee you next timeRanting and raving about all thatrsquos trending on social media Aastha Atray Banan is an author creator podcaster and the Editor of your favourite weekend read Sunday midday She posts at aasthaatray on InstagramSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper