The Happiness Index is a lie

The only time I stopped smiling this year was when the World Happiness Report 2021 issued by the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network began making the rounds a few weeks ago It ranked 149 countries on how happy their citizens perceived themselves to be and I was appalled to not find India in the Top 10 let alone the Top 5 I kept scrolling as longforgotten feelings of anger and disappointment began to surface and had to take a break after the Top 20 countries were listed India was nowhere to be found the top spots all occupied by dubious countries such as Finland Iceland Denmark Switzerland and The NetherlandsHow could the UN get this so wrong I asked a smiling friend who was slapping me on the back with happiness at the time until I explained what I was looking atBy the time I found out where we weremdash139 out of 149 countries for those who subscribe to fake newsmdashmy friend had stopped smiling too We looked at each other in confusion desperately Googling information about UN executives we could reach out to trying to find an email address for the SecretaryGeneral so we could register our outrage at this blatant lie being peddled to the rest of the worldThe report supposedly focused on the effects of COVID19 and how people fared It allegedly looked at the structure and quality of peoplersquos lives and evaluated how governments had dealt with the pandemic It claimed to have inperson and telephone samples for our country correlated with factors including social security and GDP to arrive at its resultsThat is when I began to feel a little more reassured because it proved the report was based upon information that was obviously flawed Everyone in India knows we handled the COVID19 pandemic better than any country on Earth A cursory look at group WhatsApp chats from the period would have informed the creators of this report that their data was at odds with reality We stood outside our balconies to fight the virus We clapped set off fireworks at a specific time to generate vibrations long before scientists figured out how this could work We even showered healthcare workers with flower petals by helicopter If this didnrsquot prove how committed we were to handling the pandemic nothing else couldI have thought about this report for a few days now and can only conclude that it has been created out of spite to make the rest of the world look better at Indiarsquos expense We should have been among the first countries on that list because everyone knows we are happy Our government told us we could expect better days a few years ago and has also stuck to a few of its promises Yes there were a few mishaps with the economy that led to crippling losses avoidable deaths and the decimation of our middle class but omelettes cannot be made without breaking a few eggs We smiled through the havoc because we had each other which was all that ever matteredIt wasnrsquot all bad news In 2019 apparently India was ranked 140th We climbed a whole spot up showing the people of Lesotho Botswana Rwanda Zimbabwe and Afghanistan what true happiness really looked like If we manage to sustain this winning streak climbing a spot each year the possibility of cracking the Top 10 list within a mere century is already high That is the message I intend to take away from this biased report that India will deal with propaganda the way it dealt with the pandemicmdashthrough grit determination and supportive tweets from Indian film stars like Amitabh Bachchan and foreigners like Akshay KumarThere was another silver lining Pakistan Apparently it ranks 105 a mere 34 spots ahead of us and yet another reminder that our politicians constantly have our wellbeing in mind They have routinely exhorted millions of us to leave India and go to that country and the reason has finally begun to make senseWhen some of us are asked to go to Pakistan it isnrsquot because those asking us to leave are driven by bigotry or prejudice It is a suggestion not a request because what they want us to do is find happiness If the people of Pakistan are a lot happier than we are supposed to be it is only natural that those who care for us will want us to experience that tooWhen he isnrsquot ranting about all things Mumbai Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet He tweets lindsaypereiraSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper