You see, there are two kinds of politicians in Mumbai -- those that are into self promotion, and those who serve people. I am from the second category.

I am very committed to serving people. That has always been my weakness.

So I have no time for self-publicity.

Illustration/ Amit Bandre

That is why when that celebrity lady, Cuffe Parade-waali spoke about Mumbai separating itself from Maharashtra, sab major politicians ne twitter par response diya. They got so much media publicity, which will translate into votes for them.

At that time, main toh Dharavi mein tha, helping poor people. I had no time to tweet.

Arre, of course, I was there in Dharavi. There is proof -- the media had taken many shots of me alighting from my Mercedes. Here, see, there is a photo taken by my followers on my phone. Mere paas teen phone hai -- yeh Blueberry…Blueberry, one iPhone… aur ek smartphone.

See, main saaf saaf bolta hoon.

I can also tweet, usme kya badi baat hai. But I am an old-fashioned type neta. I like to interact with my constituency. Talk one on one.

Technology theek hai, but social media bahut formal hai.

Dekhiye, I could have been anything -- doctor, engineer, lawyer, but politics is my dharma. I am a simple, middle-class person, very Gandhian in my beliefs, if people choose to give me donations, gifts, throw parties, what can I do ? For my birthday last week, they had put up bees-tees hoardings with my face on them, wishing me “happy birthday”. Main bola, arrey it is not necessary, we have to beautify aamchi Mumbai, but they don’t listen, kya karega?

Please come to my office, anytime, it is like an ashram, just off the Eastern Express Highway.

There was some land lying vacant, so I thought let me build a school, a shopping mall, and a gym -- all part of my ashram.

Some people objected. They tried to stage a dharna and all, but now no more.

I am a neta, samjhe? A neta, and that gives me certain rights, hai na?

Accha elections are coming close now. Best way to get votes is to do some dhamaka, so then media attention happens -- I am planning to attack some community. It is the modern way, it seems.

Problem is Tamilians have already been targeted in the ’60s. Biharis have been dealt with. That Rane boy has singled out the Gujaratis... abhi baki kaun hai?

Sochna padega… Bhaiyas, Bohris? Let’s see.

I plan to pose the question on both my Twitter handle and Facebook page -- Which is the best community to attack?
Please feel free to send in suggestions.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright,¬†photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62 The views expressed in This column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.¬†