Steve SmitWhat's the plural of ball-tampering? Sticking the implement you use to tamper with the cricket ball in your jocks. If Cameron Bancroft is a serial offender, does he put sugar in his cereal or in his pocket?

Ok so let's get the limp and tawdry jokes out of the way before we can address the biggest crisis to hit cricket since David Warner had to be restrained from thumping Quinton de Kock. A lot can happen in two weeks and Cricket Australia now have the biggest test of their integrity since Steve Smith's "brain fade" in India last year. The jokes and cheap shots are inevitable as Australia woke up to a day of shame and soul-searching, the rest of the world delighting in occupying the moral high ground that has been ceded forever by the 'leadership group' of the baggy green club. If there's one thing Australian cricket does exceedingly well, it's hypocrisy. If there's one thing they do exceedingly poorly, it's convincing the neutrals to support them. And for the first time in my living memory, they've lost more than their dignity - they've lost the respect and love of the locals too.