The couple caught cheating at a Coldplay concert are now a cautionary tale for all who seek love and sex outside of their relationship. But is there no way they can escape a public shaming, and be understood and empathised with? Let’s discuss
Imaging/Aparna Chaudhari
In her now famous TED Talk, Why Happy Couples Cheat, world-famous psychotherapist known for her work on human relationships, Esther Perel says that infidelity can be a sign of something we rarely think about — an expression of longing and loss. She sees affairs as a catalyst to talk about things we never talk about, and encourages people to not be termed as victims or perpetrators. As she says in her talk, “Affairs are way less about sex, and a lot more about desire: desire for attention, desire to feel special, desire to feel important.”
The couple at Coldplay — Andy Byron, the married chief executive of Astronomer, a software development company, and Kristin Cabot, its head of human resources — didn’t know what hit them last week when they were caught on the Kiss Cam. Byron has since stepped down from his role. They looked like a couple in love, and not just lust. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that they cheated. The question remains: did they deserve the public shaming? Can we even try and listen to their PoV?
In a recent episode of Sex and the City reboot, And Just Like That, Carrie forgives Aidan for sleeping with another woman: because of course, they are in a long-distance relationship and everyone has needs. In the Gen Z favourite, The Summer I Turned Pretty, the lead character Belly takes back Jeremiah, even agreeing to marry him, after he cheats on her— because she knows it’s a “mistake”. But in real life, is it easy? Or is it a no-way scenario? We speak to various experts to get you the tea.
Inputs by Aastha Atray Banan
‘Power dynamics at work need to be looked at’
Roopal Jain
Roopal Jain, HR consultant
“Given that the individuals here (involved in the Coldplay scandal) were people to whom most office romances are reported to, is a bit unsettling. The only reason office romances need to be reported to HR is for the safety of both the employees, as there have been cases of a bad breakup going awry. But, I also understand that some people do not tell HR, because they themselves do not know what the relationship means. Sometimes we initiate a conversation with the employees to clarify, we have to extremely tactful and make the employee feel safe without any judgment. We also keep an eye out and make sure that there is no skewed power dynamics. No one should be directly reporting to someone they are in a relationship with.”
Are office romances a good idea?
My husband and I met 11 years ago at the office we were working at. We never told anyone about us, except a select few friends. We came from so much heartbreak that we didn’t want to jinx it. In fact, I think for the first two years we didn’t want to even admit to ourselves how well it was going because of the same fear.
Many suspected we were dating, some directly asked us and some didn’t. But, as long as it didn’t affect work, we kept at it. It also helped that there was no skewed power dynamics between us, as we both at the same level.
Eventually, he moved to a different facet of our industry and only then we were slightly more open about it and quickly got married.
Not every office romance is a dirty little affair.
As told to Arpika Bhosale
‘Polyamory is being used to perpetuate cheating’
Pic/Instagram@shwetasangtani
Shweta Sangtani, co-founder and CEO, Sangya Collective, and part of a throuple
“Where most people get swept away with polyamory is with the dopamine hit one gets when in a new relationship. The neglect results from resentment in the earlier/older relationship.
But, these days, I see polyamory being used to perpetuate cheating. A while ago someone asked me out while chatting, and I found out a little later that he was married. Then I asked him ‘Are both of you poly?’ That’s when he said, ‘she will come around’ and I blocked him immediately, because that’s just cheating and not ethical-monogamy.
Couples will be happy if they sits down and asks each other if they want monogamy or non-monogamy. It’s like how you ask someone only if you want marriage or having children. Why is this question non-equally fundamental?”
Sexual desires are ever changing
Pic/Instagram@akshay_jhakaasss
Akshay Jha, Intimacy Curator and Kink Mentor
“Sexual desires are so repressed, not just in India, but everywhere in the world. So, many people who finally began to understand what they like, or they want to explore, come to us.
Desires also change with age, libido changes with age too, and we see a lot of misalignment of desires between partners as a result. Without judgement of morality, as long as it’s not illegal, we guide people on how to find it even if they are outside of their relationship.”
More Indians on Ashley Madison than ever before
Paul Keable
Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer, Ashley Madison
“India is quickly moving up and actually currently ranks fifth in terms of countries with the most sign ups in 2025. In fact, India has seen a 20 per cent increase in new signups this year.
One of the biggest survey findings we had this year where India stood out is from a global survey of the general population we commissioned through YouGov. According to that research, 53 per cent of surveyed adults in India admitted to having had an affair.
A big trend is the rise of what we call Disclosed Non-Monogamy (DNM). More and more, people are realising traditional monogamy compliance no longer meets their needs.”
‘Societal expectations of what a relationship is needs to change’
Rakshanda Inam
Rakshanda Inam, trauma informed and queer affirmative psychotherapist
“Our conditioning about having one spouse and one partner is not for this day and age. People have different needs and sometimes those are not met in monogamy. These needs are not only about sexual intimacy, they may be about interests and ambitions. This is across all genders and not just between the gender binary.
Some young couples I have consulted with want an open marriage and they are clear about it. On the other side, there are so many loveless marriages and we see people dragging it along. Many times we hear a partner say something like, ‘Do what you want but be smart enough to not let me know’. So, I think our societal perception of what a relationship looks like needs a system update.”
Can a relationship survive infidelity?
Yes: My relationship survived. I was hurt, very hurt, when my boyfriend of nine years cheated on me with a girl half my age. And in the nine months he had been cheating on me, he gaslit me into thinking it was my fault he was unavailable to me—because I was so unreasonable and such a toxic girlfriend. But when it happened, and he broke up with the other girl, I found that I couldn’t leave. We had spent nine years together – why had he felt the need to venture outside? It took a long time, a lot of tears, a lot of replaying the bad times, and a six-month breakup, for us to decide that we wanted to break through this. Once he was found out, to his credit, he answered my questions again and again, taking the blame on him completely. It was hard — living in the shadow of a heartbreak. But after we took a break, we realised – that we wanted to be in each other’s lives. But the only way to make it work: Forgive and forget. The only way you can move on is if you make peace with what happened, and commit to trust again. Or else, it just won’t work. It’s tough but doable. In a way, it got us closer because we discussed a lot of things we never had before. So, yes, your relationship can survive cheating — you just have to get ready to do the work.
As told to Aastha Atray Banan
No: I was married for 20 years when my ex-husband cheated on me. I married very young and I knew nothing else so I didn’t want to give up on us. I kept trying to make it work for around three years. My ex didn’t want to go to therapy/counselling and kept telling me to “adjust” and actually never came out and admitted that he did cheat on me emphatically.
With my ex-husband, the affair went beyond sex which is really the reason why I left. It had become a power trip and with no assurances, no compassion or remorse, I realised this was going nowhere.
I did try to remarry but I think lost my faith in the institution but have finally reached a good place in my life and am healthy and happy.
As told to Arpika Bhosale
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