It’s the perfect reason why you should tell him this. If he doesn’t take it in the right spirit, you’re probably better off not committing to it
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 29-year old woman in a relationship with a guy my age. We have been dating for a few months and it feels as if we are getting to a stage where things are comfortable between us. What bothers me is how I think I am too easy-going, which allows him to get away with almost anything. He takes me for granted often because he knows I won’t complain or say something if he cancels a date at the last minute. My friends tell me I don’t ask for anything, which is why I am treated like a doormat by my boyfriends. I don’t know how to change this about me because it’s probably part of my personality. I want to be loved and respected, but I also can’t ask for attention if it’s just not in my nature. What do I do about this and how can I change this dynamic?
You should stop worrying about your personality and simply look at the presence or absence of respect. Asking for attention when you don’t need it makes no sense, but someone taking you for granted while you are aware of it happening needs to be called out. If you feel disrespected, speak up. If you feel as if things aren’t fair, speak up. This is about mutual respect, which is critical for the well-being of any healthy relationship. You deserve not to be taken for granted. You must be treated the way you treat anyone you date: it’s that simple.
My boyfriend wants to propose but I am not ready and don’t know how to tell him this without making him back off and change his mind about our relationship.
If you can’t have a conversation about the state of your relationship or its future, it’s a solid sign that you aren’t in a place of stability yet. It’s the perfect reason why you should tell him this. If he doesn’t take it in the right spirit, you’re probably better off not committing to it.
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