I don’t know what this says about him, or his friends. I don’t know why he doesn’t stand up for the person he claims to love
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been in a relationship with a guy for six months, and for some reason he isn’t comfortable with me meeting his friends or family. I have introduced him to everyone I know, and he likes spending time with my friends, but is always evasive when I ask him why he doesn’t let me meet anyone in his social circle. A week ago, he told me he is hesitant because everyone he has dated has been treated badly by his friends, which makes him wary. He said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings if they were too negative towards me, which is why he thinks it best if I stay away from them. I don’t know what this says about him, or his friends. I don’t know why he doesn’t stand up for the person he claims to love. I don’t think I respect him anymore, after what he told me. What should I do?
You’re right to be disappointed, because it doesn’t reflect too well on him, or his choice of friends. Not wanting to hurt your feelings is one thing, but the implication that he isn’t ready to confront his friends or call them out on their behaviour shows a lack of integrity. You won’t really get much by meeting his friends, based on how he describes them, nor does it seem as if you’re missing out on much by not chatting with them. What you should consider is what this means for your relationship though, because you can’t be someone he will forever keep hidden from his family or friends. I suggest you tell him why this bothers you and give him a chance to think about his response. If you aren’t comfortable with the way things change over the coming weeks, you should evaluate what you are getting out of this relationship and whether you think of this situation as a hindrance or lack of respect. Things may be perfectly okay between you two, of course, but that doesn’t invalidate your feelings.
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