He thinks my parents are snobs!

I am a 34-year old woman and have been engaged to a guy who is four years older. We met through mutual acquaintances and began dating because we liked each other. A few months after this happened, I introduced him to my parents, who found out that they had known his parents a long time ago. They approve of our relationship, but avoid meeting his parents because they don’t think very highly of them. They don’t tell me what the problem is, but something happened between them a long time ago and they hold on to that grudge for some reason. I have to keep making excuses for them and this obviously bothers my fiance. He thinks my parents feel superior to his parents and I can’t say or do anything to change his opinion. He is very polite to my parents but has also said he doesn’t want to be too close to them after we marry, which makes me sad. What should I do?
This is going to affect your lives for a long time if you don’t try and get to the root cause. If your parents are unwilling to make these changes and recognize that their behaviour will cause problems between you and your fiance, you have to be honest with him and his parents and hope they understand. Not telling him why you are as clueless as he is also causes harm, because honest communication is all you have to try and arrive at a solution. Ultimately, the only people who can draw boundaries and define the nature of your married life together are the two of you. If you ask for understanding, it’s always possible that your fiance will see things from your perspective and empathize. Your parents may have reasons that are justified or illogical, but their stubbornness is out of your control. What you can do is speak to your fiance about what his parents mean to you, and how your own parents have no bearing on your feelings.

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