If you approach this with the idea that it is something that needn’t get in the way of staying friends, you will be okay no matter what
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been attracted to a friend of mine since we were in school together but can’t seem to get her to think of me as anything other than that. She and I have been friends for over a decade, and I have watched her grow into a beautiful woman whom anyone would love to be with. She keeps getting into temporary relationships with men who simply don’t understand or appreciate her. I try my best to be there for her when they fail, but she still doesn’t get that I would take care of her and treat her better than any of the men she goes out with. I have tried to be subtle about this and given her many hints about how she should be with a friend who understands her instead of people who take her for granted, but she doesn’t seem to get the message. I don’t know what to do because it hurts me to see her get depressed whenever a relationship doesn’t work. How do I get her to look at me differently?
The simplest thing to do is stop being subtle and be more open about how you feel, because you owe it to her as well as yourself. She may not see you in a different way simply because, as you point out, the two of you grew up together and she has probably never considered a relationship that’s any different from the one you have always had. To tell her how you feel may seem like a difficult thing if you are worried about her rejection, but she won’t start thinking of you differently until you introduce her to the idea. There is always a chance that this conversation may lead to disappointment and awkwardness, of course, but you can both deal with this by remembering that you have been friends first. If you approach this with the idea that it is something that needn’t get in the way of staying friends, you will be okay no matter what.
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