If it is something else, it may help you both understand each other a little better. Tell him this is getting out of hand and talk about what can be done
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have a problem with my boyfriend and can’t seem to sort it out. He is a very physical person and loves displaying affection whenever we are together, but this bothers me a lot because I am very private and don’t like showing how I feel in public. He knows this, but constantly tries to make me ‘break out of my shell’ as he puts it. He forces me to hold his hand when we’re out, and kisses me on the cheek when we are at parties, and this just makes me angry and frustrated. It is so bad that I have begun dreading meeting him outside because I know it will end up making me upset for something or the other. How do I get him to accept me just the way I am, without having to prove that I am in love with him? How does it matter if I hold his hand in public or not, when the only thing we should be worried about is whether we love each other?
You are perfectly entitled to feeling the way you do, and you’re right about what matters. There’s something about this that involves validation on his part though, which needs to be addressed. If he is upsetting you to an extent that you dread meeting him, it’s only a matter of time before this spills over into other aspects of your relationship and causes real harm. He needs to be made aware of this before that happens. It is also important for you both to discuss why he needs that attention in public, and what it means for him, because you probably haven’t tried to look at it from his perspective, and it’s possible that he hasn’t thought about it honestly either. If this is about being possessive, it needs to be called out. If it is something else, it may help you both understand each other a little better. Tell him this is getting out of hand and talk about what can be done.
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