‘My boyfriend can’t feel joy’

I have a theory that my boyfriend is incapable of feeling joy. We have been in a relationship for almost a year now and I have never seen him genuinely happy in all that time. Part of this comes from the fact that he struggles with depression, which he has been open about, but I worry about what this means for our future together. I want to be supportive and help him, but I am aware that his condition has an impact on me in subtle ways. If we decide to get into a long-term commitment, I often think about what that means for me and how it might affect my own outlook towards life. I am a very joyful person and am afraid of this altering my personality in ways I may not be able to understand or control. What should I do? 
You are choosing to be in a relationship with someone who is ill and aware of it. Depression can last a lifetime and requires the intervention of a professional to help someone with the coping mechanisms they need. Being with someone who is depressed is a lot like being with anyone else who is ill, but your fear of becoming depressed just by being with your boyfriend is unfair because you do yourself a disservice. Think about why you chose to be with this person, what he means to you, what his presence brings to your life. At the same time, ask yourself about the relationship and whether it meets your expectations. If it does, and the love is present, depression becomes just another disease that can be handled by the two of you together. If you are afraid of the impact on your own mental health, consider speaking to a counsellor as a couple. Ending a relationship because you are afraid that your boyfriend may never experience joy is not grounded in fact. Speak to your boyfriend about this more openly and allow him to talk about what he’s feeling too. 

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