My mother-in-law is tearing us apart

My mother-in-law has been responsible for some of the biggest fights between my wife and I since we were married two years ago. Things were fine at the start, when we lived in another part of the city, but my wife wanted to be closer to her mother because she is a widow, and I agreed thinking it would be good for us as a family. We moved a year ago and have not had a single weekend without an argument because her mother says something about how we live, and we end up screaming about it. I have considered moving again, but my wife is so used to the idea of being close to her mother that this only starts another fight. I am exhausted. How do I fix this?
You can’t fix it until you manage to put some space between your family and your mother-in-law or manage to resolve any differences that currently exist. One assumes your mother-in-law doesn’t want to cause a rift between you and her daughter, so there is clearly something that prompts her to be critical. If she knows how things have changed in your marriage since you moved closer, she may temper her comments. Either way, this has to brought out into the open because you won’t be able to deal with it much longer without it causing some permanent harm to your married life. Speak to your wife about how you feel, try and explain why this isn’t an attack on her mother, and broach the possibility of approaching a counsellor. This may not be a permanent problem, but it has to be nipped in the bud before it leaves you and wife with resentments that can spiral out of control. To dread coming home is not the sign of a healthy, happy relationship. Your wife needs to know this and should understand that her inability to engage with it may affect your future together.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com