Still can’t forget my ex’s words...

I have constant issues with my body because of what an ex-boyfriend once said, and this has taken a toll on my mental health to an extent where I struggle with relationships. I can’t date anyone for more than a few weeks before I start to question everything and wonder why they are with me. I constantly feel judged, and it has caused a lot of issues that I know I wouldn’t have had if I could resolve this. I can’t talk about it to my family or friends because it’s difficult, but I worry that it will start to have a bigger impact on my life as I get older if I can’t find a way of controlling it. I think about it a lot and my anger towards my ex just increases with every year. How do I stop obsessing about this?

There’s a lot in the world around us that compels us to focus on our bodies and worry that it isn’t good enough. The struggle is real, and you’re not alone in trying to fight it. The fact that you are aware of the problem is a great start because acknowledging its existence is always the first step towards finding a way to move beyond it. Speaking to family and friends may be difficult but given that you don’t have the tools to cope, and know that you don’t, points to the need for therapy. Speaking to a counsellor about body image can help you look at yourself and your body differently, while teaching you about the male gaze. Learning about this is critical because it also means unlearning a lot of things about what society does and how it polices women. It’s okay to be worried because this can damage you, but it’s also important to tell yourself that this doesn’t have to affect you for the rest of your life. Start by being kinder to yourself, reach out to a professional, and trust that time will allow you to see things differently.