Try talking to him about this once more and, if nothing shifts, you may have to assume there is no hope here
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am trying to figure out if my relationship is over, not because there are arguments or conversations about it ending but because my partner refuses to change his bad habits. We have been together for three years now and I have spent much of that time trying to get him to be a better person. I don’t mean that I’m trying to change who he is, just the way he treats other people, spends his free time, or who he chooses as friends. He has very regressive views and treats people who don’t earn as much as he does very badly. He also has opinions about women that don’t sit right with me at all. He treats me with love and kindness, but I don’t think that’s enough because we are also part of a larger society. He just doesn’t get why these things are important to me, which makes me believe he doesn’t take my perspective seriously. Is this reason enough to break up?
If you have clear ideas about the kind of person you want to be with, and your partner doesn’t get where you’re coming from, it’s safe to assume he isn’t going to change. What you choose to do depends upon how much you are willing to compromise if wanting to be with him is important. Think about what this means for your future and ask yourself if you are willing to let things be this way in the years to come. Love is great, but mutual respect is critical for the longevity of any serious relationship because it implies a give and take between two people. It implies that one is willing to listen to the other and adapt to meet needs or expectations that also change over time. If you are thinking about ending this relationship, it’s already a sign that whatever you have between you two isn’t enough. Try talking to him about this once more and, if nothing shifts, you may have to assume there is no hope here.
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