If you can’t wait or give her the time she needs, be honest with her so she can find someone who is a little more understanding
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 30-year old man and have been engaged to a 24-year old girl for two years. We have been talking about marriage for a long time but can’t arrive at a definite date because she always says she needs more time to focus on her education and career. I have always been patient, even though she doesn’t need to worry about financial security. We are both well off and my job is enough for us to manage a home on my income alone. This has caused some tension between us because she keeps accusing me of trying to control her, which is not my intention at all. What can I do to get her to commit to a date without damaging our relationship?
You can start by listening to her and respecting her decision. You say you are supportive but admit to questioning her motives because you refuse to see things from her perspective. Your comment about running a home on your income alone smacks of condescension, because it implies that all you want is a woman who will stay back and manage a household while you go out to make a living. If she wants to be better educated and financially secure, it shows that she has a mind of her own and wants to be treated as an equal. It is a sentiment that should be celebrated and supported instead of questioned. If you can’t wait or give her the time she needs, be honest with her so she can find someone who is a little more understanding.
How can I convince my boyfriend to be less intrusive in my personal life? He wants to know everything because he says it is his right. How do I get him to back off?
Your personal life is yours to control, and your boundaries can only be defined by you. Tell him why this attitude is disrespectful and not a sign of a healthy relationship. If he wants to be with you, he will learn.
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