Tired of this on, off relationship!

I am a 31-year old and have been in an on-again off-again relationship with a guy who always takes me for granted. I think I have been too forgiving of a lot of things which is why he assumes he can get back into my life. I don’t know if I am weak and unable to resist him, but this always happens after we end our relationship. We stay away for a few months, then meet and get back together. I have tried to have a conversation with him about this, but I don’t think it registers because he doesn’t really change who he is. I want to break this pattern but don’t know how. What should I do? I don’t even know if there is a future for us if this is how things are. I don’t want to keep doing this for the next decade and never knowing if I will be able to settle down into a lifelong commitment with him.
You already recognise the patterns that exist, which is great, but you clearly don’t have the tools to act upon them. If your partner takes you for granted, even if you believe it is because of your own actions, it is a problem because it creates an imbalance in your relationship that is never healthy. Without this being resolved, your future with him will always be unstable. I suggest you speak to a counsellor who can help you put things into perspective because, sometimes, a neutral observer can spot things that we cannot. The longer you are in this relationship, the harder it will be for you to look at it dispassionately and come up with mechanisms to avoid repeating your patterns. It is also critical that your partner begins to accept that there are unresolved problems here, and you should have a conversation about the future as soon as possible. If he doesn’t believe in changing who he is, it may be easier for you to accept that this isn’t right for you. 

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