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We date, but there’s no spark!

Updated on: 25 May,2024 06:20 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

What should I be looking for before committing to anything?

We date, but there’s no spark!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

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How long does one have to date someone to figure out if there is any chemistry between two people? I have gone on three dates with a guy I met using a dating app and I know we like each other, but there is no spark that makes us want to desperately see each other again. We don’t chat for a while, then make a plan and meet again. It feels as if he is in the same boat, and that we are meeting each other only because we have no other options, but I don’t want to get into a relationship just because I have been on multiple dates with the same person. What should I be looking for before committing to anything?
There are no textbook-approved signs of what you should look for because relationships are based not just on mutual attraction but, often, on what you are looking for in a potential partner. That ‘spark’ you speak of is often subtle, and not at all like a feeling of being struck by lightning because this is the real world. If neither of you is unhappy about going on more dates, you can keep doing it until one of you feels as if this isn’t going anywhere. It’s also possible that the nature of your relationship changes to something platonic, which isn’t an awful thing either because more friends are always a good thing. You’re probably overthinking this, so why not go out, try and have a good time, and think of what you want this to be when you are both ready and comfortable enough to talk about how you feel. 


Someone who asked me out two weeks ago has postponed our dinner plans two times, at the last minute. Is this a red flag?
Ask for an explanation. It depends on the reasons given but, if there is no respect for your time, and you are being taken for granted, it is usually a sign that this isn’t someone deserving of your attention either. 


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